And here is a photograph of a hero wearing an IHATECROCS shirt.
The first thing I do after waking up in the morning is I check my email. This is just what I do. I check my email constantly. Compulsively. And I recently got an iPod Touch, which makes all that even easier. Now, I can check my email while waiting for the bus, presuming there is unprotected WiFi somewhere nearby and usually, there is. Anyway, it is awesome.
Today, we got an email from Amber Roberson. Her subject line was "yup, it's me again" and so I searched her name my email archive to figure out who exactly she was and why I was expected to remember her. Apparently she sent us the following messages a while back:
T1: Amber Roberson, tree-huggerAfter figuring out who she was, I got excited for her next crazy nonsensical rant. The following is what she sent us after a silence that lasted months.
I think you gives are pretty dumb. You are NEVER going to, in a MILLION years, stop the Crocs craze. Sure there ugly. THEY LOOK LIKE CLOWN SHOES!!! But they are comfortable. And they can withstand a good hosedown. AND they are fungus-resistant. And anyone dumb enough to wear them on an escalator will pay the price. THIS SITE IS A WASTE OF TIME, EFFORT, AND INTERNET SPACE!!!! you should be ashamed, sapping people for their money. FOR YOURSELVE!!!!!!Go donate to Greenpeace. In the meantime, I think I will go hug a tree. You probably won't post this, but if you do, I just know you will make fun of me. BAH HUMBUG ON YOU!!!!
T1: Amber Roberson, registered Tree-hugger
I hear you hate Crocs,huh?
WELL, I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION THAT BURNS THROUGH MY SOUL, WISHING TO KILL YOU ALL!!!! you freaks. You will never stop Crocs. Sure, they can be dangerous. Sure they're ugly. But apparantly 6MILLION+ people don't care. they are comfortable. They are washable. They are fungus resistant. Well, I AM YOU!!! RESISTANT. YOU ARE FIGHTING A LOST CAUSE!!!!
YOU MONEY hogging bimbos!!! GO DONATE TO A REAL CAUSE!!! while you do that, i will go hug a tree.
T1: Amber R. , registered tree-hugger and promoter of Greenpeace
you guys are insane. Just who do you think you are? You hurt me. I am now tired of looking at the address. I have decided to block you guys of my computer list. Oh, yep, it's me again!!!! Amber R.
Oh, yes- it's me. The grammar-freak. The tree-hugger. Back for more. WHY can you useless people use the time the dear Lord has given you? WHY can't you go volunteer at an animal shelter? NO. Instead, you devote your lives to scamming people, making fun of FOOTWEAR. Sure, they are ugly. But wouldn't you be better off doing something that ISN'T completely worthless? You should be ASHAMED. But no. You go on, smiling. Throwing them into blenders. Cutting them. Yawn. Goodness. YOU MAKE ME SICK. Thank you for BOTHERING to read this. This is the last time I will waste my precious time on earth trying to convince TOTAL NUT JOBS to stop. My tirade is over. Oh, and P.S.- even if you tried to contact me, this is my JUNK EMAIL. Go do the world a favor and see a psychiatrist. And, it might surprise you to learn my age, which is why I won't tell you. Wonder Forevermore!She's such a wacky character. Her atrocious English has gotten better. I hope she didn't strain herself too much. She'll be sorely missed. Assuming she doesn't forget to take her meds again and emails us again with another crazy tirade in a couple months. Also, in case you wondered, we rarely respond to emails, positive or otherwise. The volume is such that it would exceeds the amount of time I'm willing to set aside for this website. An email has to be pretty substantive to warrant response. Amber has yet to be replied to.
Amber Roberson, Tree-hugger
I also find it curious that she thinks my interest will be piqued by her saying she won't tell me her age. Why in God's name would I care? I scarcely care to know the ages of my closest friends. Why would I want to know the age of some crazy stranger who I hope never to meet in real life because I doubt I could stand the overwhelming stench of cat urine I imagine she is steeped in? We wish Amber the best in her future pursuits.