Here at the offices, we’ve rigged up a ticker tape machine to the old email, so whenever we get an email, it prints out on ticker tape. This is the best way to read emails, I assure you. Nikola Tesla would approve.
Anyway, I was descending the spiral staircase when Kate came running up with a long length of ticker tape and pronounced, excitedly, "More hate mail!"
My eyes almost popped out of my head with anticipation as I asked, "Do they make crazy-stupid assumptions on what we look like, are like and live like?"
"Yes," came the reply, "This email has all of that IN SPADES."
So, Kate and I went to the reading room (it's the one with the fireplace) and read aloud from the ticker tape:
" you obviously don't have children. Crocs are great for kids, becasue they're breathable and protect their toes. Kids can put them on themselves, so they are time-saving. Their bright colors also make them fun for kids and make them easy to find.
I think you need to find a hobby or get a job. You need something contructive in which to aim all your energy and aggressions. Are crocs the issue? Or is it your upbringing?? You family life? Were you never loved as a child? Are you ugly? Overweight? There must be some other reason for all your anger and hostility towards a plastic shoe. It's ridiculous, actually. Is this what you've made of your life?? When your life is over, is this the great, awe-inspiring feat that you will say you have accomplished? Is this how you hope to change and make the world a better place?
It seems you have a lot of idle time and a energy. Why don't you find a cause that's worthy of all your time and energy. Volunteer, raise money, go on a missions trip to Guatemala and help with one of the many orphanages. I think you will find that helping the world with positive energy and love will fill the apparent void in your life.
Good luck. "
- Kelly Bauch
I wish to make the following rebuttals:
A) I have 7 children. They are named Anatoly, Zooey, Ophelia, Adi, Viola, Fitzwilliam and Nikola. And each of them despise Crocs.
B) Both Kate and I have jobs and also hobbies. Kate is a train conductor and I work at a chicken factory. Kate's hobbies include standing up for animal rights. My hobbies include hunting wild game.
C) How dare you bring up my upbringing?! I was beaten as a child by plastic shoes because I'm overweight and ugly. This is why I hate Crocs! HOW DARE YOU?
D) With our vast riches, we bought Guatemala yesterday and can safely assure you that there are no longer any orphanages there.
Thank you for your candour!
Monday, January 29, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
ihatecrocs orders
Just a reminder that if you live in the US or Canada and want to buy a shirt, now is the time. The free shipping for orders of over $15 deal is ending on the 31st of January and it is the 26th today. I go to Journalism school and I suck at math, so bear with me while I count on my fingers how many days that is. I think it's five.
So, if you make an order over $15 and don't want to pay shipping, just punch in coupon code FREESHIPPING07. HERE IS A HELPFUL LINK TO THE SHOP FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND SUBSEQUENT PERUSAL.
Look, everyone! Those hideous Crocs rain boots and Disney Crocs. I think we've entered into a new circle of Hell. Dante couldn't even conceive of it.
So, if you make an order over $15 and don't want to pay shipping, just punch in coupon code FREESHIPPING07. HERE IS A HELPFUL LINK TO THE SHOP FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND SUBSEQUENT PERUSAL.
Look, everyone! Those hideous Crocs rain boots and Disney Crocs. I think we've entered into a new circle of Hell. Dante couldn't even conceive of it.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
emails from fans
Here are some emails we've received and read. Kate and I print them out and read them to each other by the fireplace in our new offices, whilst sipping hot cocoa. We have a lot of office supplies in our new offices. To do work. We also have two cotton candy machines and a talking dog.
Bill says:
Sad to say... but I was a Crocs rep for about a year. They are the slimmest bunch of moneygrubbers ever to walk the earth. They never paid me, and now I’m in a class action law suit with them.
Beiha says:
I admire your website. I do a sport called Dragon Boat racing and unfortunately all the other teams we compete against have taken to wearing crocs. Luckily our coach told us that anyone in our team who started wearing them should be shot. Why would anyone wear them as a fashion item? I thought they were ugly gardening shoes.
Sheryl says:
I USED to be neutral about Crocs. After a horrible sight at the mall, never in my life I'll afford a Crocs in my house again. An afternoon, my friends and I were at a mall. While we were there, there was a rather pretty looking lady in her twenties. However, what she wore was unbelievable! To start off, brightly coloured orange crocs, simply blinding, with matching orange shirt and skirt! The fact that people are staring at her is a laughing matter. Add a red nose and she's qualify for being a clown! We laughed our heads off! She gave us a glare and stomped off. I mean, she should have checked in the mirror what she was wearing before she left the house. Geez, not only are Crocs spoiling the fashion in shoes but in clothes as well!
Katy says:
I have the BEST crocs horror story EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that what you say is wrong. crocs have even saved the lives of innocent little toddlers. I am NOT just saying this to bug you, but crocs are here to stay. In fact, the song "beautiful" sums them up best. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, 'CAUSE WORDS CAN'T BRING US DOWN. SO DON'T YOU BRING ME DOWN TODAY. someday, i am going to create a site called ihateihatecrocs.com
badbye
Bill says:
Sad to say... but I was a Crocs rep for about a year. They are the slimmest bunch of moneygrubbers ever to walk the earth. They never paid me, and now I’m in a class action law suit with them.
Beiha says:
I admire your website. I do a sport called Dragon Boat racing and unfortunately all the other teams we compete against have taken to wearing crocs. Luckily our coach told us that anyone in our team who started wearing them should be shot. Why would anyone wear them as a fashion item? I thought they were ugly gardening shoes.
Sheryl says:
I USED to be neutral about Crocs. After a horrible sight at the mall, never in my life I'll afford a Crocs in my house again. An afternoon, my friends and I were at a mall. While we were there, there was a rather pretty looking lady in her twenties. However, what she wore was unbelievable! To start off, brightly coloured orange crocs, simply blinding, with matching orange shirt and skirt! The fact that people are staring at her is a laughing matter. Add a red nose and she's qualify for being a clown! We laughed our heads off! She gave us a glare and stomped off. I mean, she should have checked in the mirror what she was wearing before she left the house. Geez, not only are Crocs spoiling the fashion in shoes but in clothes as well!
Katy says:
I have the BEST crocs horror story EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that what you say is wrong. crocs have even saved the lives of innocent little toddlers. I am NOT just saying this to bug you, but crocs are here to stay. In fact, the song "beautiful" sums them up best. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, 'CAUSE WORDS CAN'T BRING US DOWN. SO DON'T YOU BRING ME DOWN TODAY. someday, i am going to create a site called ihateihatecrocs.com
badbye
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
AH MY EYES DOT COM
Before I Hate Crocs (dot) Com came about, I only had my webcomic to vent my frustrations against the holey foes. The following comics predate the birth of I Hate Crocs (dot) Com only slightly! I think maybe a week or two.
international recognition
A little while ago (September), Kate and I were asked to write an argument against Crocs for a debate page in a newspaper called Emirates Today. We obliged and on September 15th, our anti-crocs article was published.
We wrote it equal parts! She wrote three hundred words and I wrote three hundred words and then I put them together. Like a smoothie.
Long overdue, but here it is (click to make it big enough to actually read):
We wrote it equal parts! She wrote three hundred words and I wrote three hundred words and then I put them together. Like a smoothie.
Long overdue, but here it is (click to make it big enough to actually read):
Friday, January 05, 2007
first post on the new blog
Hello!
We've got a blog, now. Finally. This will allow us to keep you posted more easily and quickly! Shazaam! Don't worry, though, the rest of the site is still around. If you will turn your eyes to the right, you will see 'links'. That's the rest of the site! The store, the FAQs, the video and all that.
Speaking of the store, you can get FREE STANDARD SHIPPING to the US and Canada by using the coupon code FREESHIPPING07. The code expires at the end of this month, so if you've been waiting to buy a shirt or something, now is the time to buy. It will never be cheaper than it is right now!
Below there are two interview transcripts from recent interviews Kate and I have given. The first is with both of us, the second is just with me, Vincenzo. So, enjoy!
INTERVIEW THE FIRST FEATURING KATE AND VINCENZO
Why do you Hate Crocs so much?
Kate: We hate Crocs for the same reason that people hate mildew: they're ugly, foul-smelling and make everything feel hopeless and dank. Crocs offend the eyes of those with even the loosest grip on common sense. They must be stopped.
Have you ever worn Crocs, if so what was it like?
Kate: I haven't, nor do I have any desire to. If looking at them is so painful, I can barely imagine wearing them.
Vincenzo: I tried on my friend's pair, just to see. They're not that comfortable and they caused my eyes to scream. Anyone who says they're comfortable enough to compensate for their extreme ugliness is clearly delirious. There's a lot of cult-like behavior.
Would you ever wear Crocs?
Kate: No. Not under any circumstances.
Can you explain the history of the website ie when and why it was started etc.
Kate: The website was started in August of this year (2006) because Vincenzo and I really couldn't take it any more. Our closest friends and allies were turning to the dark side of fashion. We recognized the epidemic and knew we had to put up a front. The website is a pile of sandbags in a torrential flood of distaste.
Why make a video of burning Crocs?
Vincenzo: Because Kate and I thought it would be a rip-roaring good time. And it was very fun. We laughed, many of the people who saw it laughed and the deluded Croc enthusiasts shook their head in disgust. A good time for all concerned.
How much are the T-Shirts you sell? How many do you sell?
Kate: The t-shirts are around $15-25. They vary depending on size and style. We sell them through Spreadshirt.com and don't have much control over the pricing. We've sold over fifty so far.
Why have a myspace and a website?
Vincenzo: The website came first. The MySpace came about because we wanted to get the word out and collect friends with which to build a vast army.
Why should people pay for your charity and besides burning Crocs what have or will you do to destroy them?
Kate: Well, thus far we've had no donations, but there's always hope. We have a few plans in mind for other ways to destroy Crocs, but we don't have the luxurious access to the camera we used for the first one any more. Once we do, we're thinking "trains."
INTERVIEW THE SECOND FEATURING JUST VINCENZO
Why did you start the website, and what motivated you to create an entire website devoted to hating Crocs?
Vincenzo: When I first saw Crocs, I just made fun of them with my friend Matt. We thought they were extremely ugly and wondered if the holes were for aerodynamics. However, the only person wearing them was just some weird guy, so I didn't really pay much mind. Then, shortly after, they grew more popular. Suddenly, Matt has a pair. It was like a zombie movie. My friend Kate didn't like them, either and she was talking about their ugliness in one of her LiveJournal entries. Her entry inspired me to buy ' IHATECROCS.com', right then. When I told her about it, she volunteered to design the site and I was pleased, because Kate is a graphic design genius. She does the vast majority of the work on the site.
When did you start the website and when and from whom did the T-shirt and merchandise ideas come from?
V: I purchased the domain on July 21. There was a little placeholder image for a while. I'm not sure when the site was actually up, but I know we got our first email on the 30th. We were psyched. Now we get more mail than we care to respond to. We still read it all, though. People should really stop sending us articles about kids who get their feet chewed up by escalators as a result of Crocs. We're aware of it. It's awful. I'm pretty sure that I broached the topic of t-shirts. My design was the first one up, I believe.
Do you think the website has grown in popularity and, if so, do you think it will continue to grow in popularity?
V: Well, we look at the hits and it has grown in popularity. Quite a lot of people visit the site. I don't know if the site will continue to grow in popularity. Hopefully there won't be a need for the site for much longer. Winter is coming, so the Crocs will go away. If they're back next summer, you can bet that we'll be back.
Do you get a lot of opposition from those who like Crocs or from those who design them?
V: Nothing from the actual Crocs company. We'd love to get their reaction. Sometimes we get vaguely hateful mail. Mostly it's stuff like, "omg ther s0 comfotrable", which we can't even read. Sometimes we'll get something like 'u sux' and that pains us deeply. I cry myself to sleep sometimes.
Seriously, the vast majority of the mail we get is positive. Someone will thank us for making them laugh and that's really what our intent is. We also get some crazy people who say they're going to steal someone else's Crocs and burn them, which is not something we encourage. Theft and violence are not to be used in the war against Crocs.
Most of the opposition comes in the form of arguments for the comfort of Crocs. The other stuff is usually just allegations that we wish we invented Crocs or that we have little to no lives. Some of it is really funny. We would absolutely adore it if someone were to start IHATEIHATECROCS.com.
Finally, what are your future plans for the website and for Croc destruction?
V:We'd like to make another video. Our plan is to run over Crocs with a train, but we haven't been able to procure a camera. We were thinking about a book of some kind. Either self-help for those poor saps who own Crocs or a survival guide for those who have retained their sanity. We're both fairly busy with other projects, however. We update when we can.
We've got a blog, now. Finally. This will allow us to keep you posted more easily and quickly! Shazaam! Don't worry, though, the rest of the site is still around. If you will turn your eyes to the right, you will see 'links'. That's the rest of the site! The store, the FAQs, the video and all that.
Speaking of the store, you can get FREE STANDARD SHIPPING to the US and Canada by using the coupon code FREESHIPPING07. The code expires at the end of this month, so if you've been waiting to buy a shirt or something, now is the time to buy. It will never be cheaper than it is right now!
Below there are two interview transcripts from recent interviews Kate and I have given. The first is with both of us, the second is just with me, Vincenzo. So, enjoy!
INTERVIEW THE FIRST FEATURING KATE AND VINCENZO
Why do you Hate Crocs so much?
Kate: We hate Crocs for the same reason that people hate mildew: they're ugly, foul-smelling and make everything feel hopeless and dank. Crocs offend the eyes of those with even the loosest grip on common sense. They must be stopped.
Have you ever worn Crocs, if so what was it like?
Kate: I haven't, nor do I have any desire to. If looking at them is so painful, I can barely imagine wearing them.
Vincenzo: I tried on my friend's pair, just to see. They're not that comfortable and they caused my eyes to scream. Anyone who says they're comfortable enough to compensate for their extreme ugliness is clearly delirious. There's a lot of cult-like behavior.
Would you ever wear Crocs?
Kate: No. Not under any circumstances.
Can you explain the history of the website ie when and why it was started etc.
Kate: The website was started in August of this year (2006) because Vincenzo and I really couldn't take it any more. Our closest friends and allies were turning to the dark side of fashion. We recognized the epidemic and knew we had to put up a front. The website is a pile of sandbags in a torrential flood of distaste.
Why make a video of burning Crocs?
Vincenzo: Because Kate and I thought it would be a rip-roaring good time. And it was very fun. We laughed, many of the people who saw it laughed and the deluded Croc enthusiasts shook their head in disgust. A good time for all concerned.
How much are the T-Shirts you sell? How many do you sell?
Kate: The t-shirts are around $15-25. They vary depending on size and style. We sell them through Spreadshirt.com and don't have much control over the pricing. We've sold over fifty so far.
Why have a myspace and a website?
Vincenzo: The website came first. The MySpace came about because we wanted to get the word out and collect friends with which to build a vast army.
Why should people pay for your charity and besides burning Crocs what have or will you do to destroy them?
Kate: Well, thus far we've had no donations, but there's always hope. We have a few plans in mind for other ways to destroy Crocs, but we don't have the luxurious access to the camera we used for the first one any more. Once we do, we're thinking "trains."
INTERVIEW THE SECOND FEATURING JUST VINCENZO
Why did you start the website, and what motivated you to create an entire website devoted to hating Crocs?
Vincenzo: When I first saw Crocs, I just made fun of them with my friend Matt. We thought they were extremely ugly and wondered if the holes were for aerodynamics. However, the only person wearing them was just some weird guy, so I didn't really pay much mind. Then, shortly after, they grew more popular. Suddenly, Matt has a pair. It was like a zombie movie. My friend Kate didn't like them, either and she was talking about their ugliness in one of her LiveJournal entries. Her entry inspired me to buy ' IHATECROCS.com', right then. When I told her about it, she volunteered to design the site and I was pleased, because Kate is a graphic design genius. She does the vast majority of the work on the site.
When did you start the website and when and from whom did the T-shirt and merchandise ideas come from?
V: I purchased the domain on July 21. There was a little placeholder image for a while. I'm not sure when the site was actually up, but I know we got our first email on the 30th. We were psyched. Now we get more mail than we care to respond to. We still read it all, though. People should really stop sending us articles about kids who get their feet chewed up by escalators as a result of Crocs. We're aware of it. It's awful. I'm pretty sure that I broached the topic of t-shirts. My design was the first one up, I believe.
Do you think the website has grown in popularity and, if so, do you think it will continue to grow in popularity?
V: Well, we look at the hits and it has grown in popularity. Quite a lot of people visit the site. I don't know if the site will continue to grow in popularity. Hopefully there won't be a need for the site for much longer. Winter is coming, so the Crocs will go away. If they're back next summer, you can bet that we'll be back.
Do you get a lot of opposition from those who like Crocs or from those who design them?
V: Nothing from the actual Crocs company. We'd love to get their reaction. Sometimes we get vaguely hateful mail. Mostly it's stuff like, "omg ther s0 comfotrable", which we can't even read. Sometimes we'll get something like 'u sux' and that pains us deeply. I cry myself to sleep sometimes.
Seriously, the vast majority of the mail we get is positive. Someone will thank us for making them laugh and that's really what our intent is. We also get some crazy people who say they're going to steal someone else's Crocs and burn them, which is not something we encourage. Theft and violence are not to be used in the war against Crocs.
Most of the opposition comes in the form of arguments for the comfort of Crocs. The other stuff is usually just allegations that we wish we invented Crocs or that we have little to no lives. Some of it is really funny. We would absolutely adore it if someone were to start IHATEIHATECROCS.com.
Finally, what are your future plans for the website and for Croc destruction?
V:We'd like to make another video. Our plan is to run over Crocs with a train, but we haven't been able to procure a camera. We were thinking about a book of some kind. Either self-help for those poor saps who own Crocs or a survival guide for those who have retained their sanity. We're both fairly busy with other projects, however. We update when we can.
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