Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Our Legacy

Crocs, as a company, really does try. You have to give them that, if nothing else – they honestly, sincerely want you to put on their shoes. They promise customers that the feeling of slipping one on is incomparable and that Crocs may just be the most comfortable shoes ever invented. They'd really rather you not mention the fact that they may simultaneously be the ugliest. Just try them on. They swear you'll never want to take them off, so long as you don't look down.

It's a fine goal, to be sure, but there are more holes in that logic than in the shoes themselves. There's no getting around the simple fact that Crocs are ugly. It is a truth universally acknowledged. Even the most deluded Crocs lover will concede this point, though they will invariably swap the word ‘ugly’ for ‘quirky’ or ‘unusual’. Regardless, the end result is the same: these people know that the footwear they don is unattractive. They are large, chunky, lurid and punctured with holes. They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.

They're not even tolerably ugly like cheap flip-flops or Birkenstocks. They're blaringly, violently distasteful and while most trends of such an obviously unfashionable nature don't tend to survive for exceptionally long, Crocs have. They've spread like an infection to the furthest reaches of the globe. People, for no discernible reason whatsoever, are dying to get their hands on the most unsightly footwear imaginable. Consumers worldwide are abandoning their dignity and going out on the town in their neon orange – or pink, or blue, or yellow – Crocs.

The question remains: why does anyone wear these Crocs? It can be chalked up to mass insanity, but if one were to ask the average Crocs fan why they wear them, they will undoubtedly answer, “Because they’re extremely comfortable,” repeating the same argument that goaded them into trying the monstrosities on in the first place. These Crocs people truly believe that this is reason enough to wear these hideous shoes. Following this logic, they must believe that going to the market wearing only their underwear or a bathrobe and slippers is just as acceptable.

The most disturbing aspect is that the level of comfort that can be gained from a pair of Crocs is minimal at best. The rubber-like substance that the Crocs are made from sticks to the sole of your foot like hot tar and the strange friction of the shoe against the ground makes it nearly impossible to walk normally, resulting in the unflatteringly named ‘Croc-walk.’ It is particularly noticeable when attempted by children.

However, reminiscent of cultists, Crocs fans will defend their shoes to the bitter end, never giving in to reason and never offering an explanation that can be backed up with supporting arguments. It’s as if these people do not know how to defend Crocs and cannot put into words why they are so enthusiastic about them. None of these people have anyone nearby telling them to change into respectable shoes; everyone around them is usually wearing Crocs, too. It starts with one member of a community and infiltrates the closets of neighbours, friends and children. Soon, everyone is wearing the shoes that only months ago, they all were mocking. It's quiet, it's subtle, and it sneaks up without warning, but soon entire regions become infected. The sane find themselves suddenly in the minority, standing up to such a monumental threat to good taste. They are brave, they are righteous, and they are not alone.





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Click here to visit the IHATECROCS store.


Keep up the good fight.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

branching out - i hate fashion

This is the new 'oversized ringer see thru t-shirt' by American Apparel. It unfortunately doesn't come with the moustache; you must supply your own. I do believe this shirt requires a moustache for the proper accessorizing. Observe how the brown of the moustache and the brown of the shirt complement each other. I find this image emotionally moving.

The cost is $26.00. The shirt is backordered. It is an incredibly popular item. If only the Snuggy/Slanket people thought to make their products 'see thru.'

A perfect companion to your yellow or brown Crocs.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Junior Pigeon Dot Com

I get quite a few emails from people who ask me why I'd spend "so much time" on a website that is negative. The truth is, I don't spend very much time on this website. But back when I started IHATECROCS, it was definitely needed. For my own sanity.

I'm sure I've told the tale before, but the origin of IHATECROCS is as follows: I was in high school. I had lived a Croc-free existence for my entire life. Suddenly, into the room walks someone wearing Crocs. My friend Matt pointed out to me the ridiculousness of the shoe. But, they were only being worn by that one weird guy in the class, so I thought nothing of it. We made fun of the shoes because they were so bizarre and ugly. Some time passed.

More people started wearing them. It was very strange. Like a virus or an outbreak of zombies. It was spreading. People in my group of friends started wearing them. And then... one day... Matt got a pair. Matt, the guy who had been making fun of Crocs with me. The guy who pointed them out to me! He was wearing a pair of black Crocs. I didn't understand. I had to know there were other sane people in the world. I started up IHATECROCS and that's how you come to be looking at these words.

All of this is just a roundabout way of letting you know that I have another site and it's not about hating things. It's called Junior Pigeon Dot Com and my girlfriend and I started it as an outlet for our various projects and hijinx. So, check it out! We're going to do cool things!


The MacKenzie / Ravina Memorial Toaster from Junior Pigeon on Vimeo.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

This post has been brought to you by a kindly sponsor

Today's post is brought to you by the good people at BuyItRightHere.co.uk -- where comfort meets fashion, apparently. But we'll get back to that in a bit!

In the meantime, we have everyone's favourite thing: HATEMAIL! Now with personal attacks!

This is from our good friend Jason Patrick:

Sorry, I just can't comprehend your blog or your personal fetish regarding Crocs. I'm happy to see their economic recovery and expansion succeed, since the global economy needs all the help it can get....but do you even have any clue at all regarding your complaints? Are you even remotely aware of the fact that the company has hundreds of different styles of shoes, and all but the basic model don't look anything like the particular model you appear to detest? The company makes very good-looking shoes for many people, including some more stylish women's shoes in particular; and employs a few thousand people globally - don't you think there are better things in this world to hate? I'm just curious what particular mental defect causes someone to spend this much energy attacking what other people choose to wear - exactly why is this SO offensive and upsetting for you? I'm sure you have plenty of mommy issues (or daddy issues) or whatever else, are you really going to spend your free time getting upset about other people's footwear? Good luck with the journalism career though, I certainly hope future employers don't chance upon your poorly written and even-more-poorly researched 'blog' during your job search.
Dear Jason:

1. I find it odd that you are unable to comprehend this blog. It's a fairly simple concept. It is called 'I Hate Crocs' and it is for people who hate Crocs. Simple!

2. Oh, I see. You don't understand what we mean by 'Crocs.' That's fair enough. You're correct, that company does have many types of shoes. To specify, this website is against their ugly model. The luridly coloured Swiss cheese clog-footwear.

3. Further, I am unsure which part of this website you find 'poorly researched.' Near as I can tell, there's no real research involved. Jason, if you are interested in my journalistic work, which involves research and interviews, you can go to Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.

4. Finally, just a nitpicky thing: you put the word 'blog' in quotes, as though questioning the legitimacy of this website's claim to be a blog. I find this odd. That's all.

We thank Jason truly, for taking the time to write.

Next, we have an email from Fergus Travers:
I seriously think you have a problem. I too think crocs are ugly as shit but I wear them indoors and around my land but I don't go as far as making a fucking website and selling shirts saying "they are to your eyes like second hand smoke is to your lungs". At least think of something better than that shit. You want to retire early... the group of people who created crocs can retire or probably have retired and are living in amazing houses and driving sweet cars, you are a very sad person and I do feel sorry for you and your friend who made this lump of shit of a site, you're obviously both rejected and turn towards hating crocs and selling fucked up t-shirts for money... I'm sorry but there is something wrong with you.

Dear Fergus Travers,

Awesome name!

Love,

Vincenzo


In any case, as a special treat, each of our hatemailers today (Both Fergus and Jason) will be getting $30 credits at BuyItRightHere.co.uk. Yes, they will get $30 off whatever they purchase on the website of our kindly sponsors.

BUT I know what you're saying. You're saying, 'Vincenzo, why do the hatemailers get rewarded with $30 credits at the awesome website that is sponsoring this post? We actually like your site and don't send you terrible hatemail. How dare you, Vincenzo? How dare you?'

Well, we've anticipated this reaction. We've got a $30 credit for everyone. Up to 100 of you, anyway. Just type in the following code when you order: 515IHATE

See? Easy. Also, you're probably wondering what that site sells. They sell Ugg Boots. And as far as I know, they are the only site on the internet that sells Ugg Boots.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Vincenzo, are you ENDORSING Ugg Boots?'

And to that, I would respond, 'No.'

But this is what Naomi at BuyItRightHere.co.uk had to say: "Fashion in my mind brings so much more to life if it can be therapeutic and healthy. Often comfort and fashion clash and we sacrifice our sanity to fit into the size 6 dress and live with the blisters from new heels."

And here is a list of things that Ugg Boots can probably do for you:
  • Keep your feet dry
  • Keep your feet wet (if you fill the boots with water before putting them on)
  • Kill a Cornish game hen (if you throw the boot at the Cornish game hen)
  • MUCH much more.
Now, I know that some of you have been having trouble with your Cornish game hens. We here at IHATECROCS are here to help. That coupon code again is 515IHATE.

Act now. You have two weeks. And yes, that is a threat.

Click here.

The preceding has been our first attempt at paid advertising. How'd we do?

Let us know at ihatecrocs@gmail.com

Friday, March 12, 2010

IHATECROCS: in the Globe and Mail

Hi guys.

Just a quick update to let you know IHATECROCS is in the Globe today. Read it if you want.

Here's the part of the article that mentions us:

While most people seem content to create low-maintenance Facebook groups and pages for the objects of their revulsion, that wasn’t enough for Halifax student Vincenzo Ravina.

When he first noticed Crocs on a classmate’s feet, he didn’t like them, but didn’t think much beyond that. As the shoes became more popular, however, his passing distaste blossomed into something stronger.

He registered the domain ihatecrocs.com as a test, he says. “I was just kind of looking for validation in me thinking that I’m the sane one.”

It didn’t take long before traffic to the site exploded. He had created a popular forum for trashing the shoes, and sold more than 1,000 “I Hate Crocs” T-shirts.

Crocs have since declined in popularity and so, in turn, has Mr. Ravina’s passionate opposition to them. But he still remembers what fuelled the site at the peak of its popularity.

“With disliking things, people get more worked up than when they do like things,” he says. “It’s more antagonistic. People feel more encouraged to kind of fight for their opinion.”

I am not a quote-machine. I am more used to being on the question-asking side of interviews rather than the question answering side. SEE: Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I Hate Other Things, Too

I'm in my fourth year of my Bachelor of Journalism (Honours) program. I've been very busy working on my Honours Project. Come May 2010, I will graduate. I have big plans for after graduation.

1. I will be part of an expedition to capture penguins and make them my friends. I believe that this will help me with my job search, as I will be able to provide niche coverage of penguin affairs.

2. Find a job.


It's going to be pretty exciting. I had toyed briefly with the idea of retiring straight out of university, but I've since taken a look at my finances and noted that I have massive debt. Four years of university worth of debt. But once I pay THAT off, I'm definitely retiring.

OK, I'm going to dip my hand into the old mail sack and try to pull out some amusing hatemail, because that is what passes for content on this site.

Hey, I found one. It's from "PR."

Look, you seriously need to get a life if your idea of living is to create an entire site to spread hatred about a pair of shoes you don't like, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. Fact is, Crocs aren't stupid. You are. They're an extremely clever design, and functionally, nothing even comes close to how good they are. Your only problem with them appears to be you don't like the way they look, and you're a fashion lemming. All that says is how shallow and immature you are. It says nothing about what's wrong with Crocs, but everything about what's wrong with you and others who hate Crocs just because of the way they look. You probably hate your mother just because she's fat. But you're certainly not smart enough to have created such a shoe 'cos if you were, you'd have been doing something more worthwhile in life.

Have a nice day. Asswipe!


The only comment I have in response to this email is that lemmings don't actually jump off cliffs en masse. That's a myth! But, did you know: in 1958, Disney was making a nature documentary and the team wanted footage of lemming suicide, so they just started herding them off the cliff themselves? True facts.

Moving on, we have another email. It's from Jeff Dunn. What a champion. Here's his email:

Whoever is is burning the Crocs I would assume is either in charge of this ridiculous website or a major supporter. Did you run to the mall and purchase the crocs that you hate so much and support the one company that is making the product that you despise. That would be hilarious. It would also make you hypocrites. I truly hate the pants that are so baggy that it looks like most of our youth did a big shit in their pants. It also looks very retarded and then to go with the pants these skinny little punks where shirts for a man who is 350-400 pounds. I am not about to set up a website claiming I want them off the face of the earth. There is probably one already. I will admit however that Crocs are not very pleasing to the eye, I thought they where stupid too until I tried on my brother's. I found them to be very comfortable. Now I use them as slippers at home. I wouldn't throw on a pair of jeans and head out the door with my Crocs on it looks lame. From want I see on this website is just another money racket. If you hate Crocs check out the store and buy my merch. If you really are serious about how much you hate this product, lets see more walk and less talk. Get yourself some explosives head to china (which is most likely where they are made) and blow that fucker up!! (the factory of course) That would really impress me. You can post the pics of that explosion on your website. Then you can shut this bad boy down. I guess everyone needs a hobby, mine is sitting in my living room with my Crocs on reading the comic books I collect.

Laters

Jeff Dunn



Jeff, you could not be more wrong about me. Anyway, if you're reading this and you hate Crocs, check out the IHATECROCS store. You can buy some sweet t-shirts. And the shoes destroyed in the videos are knockoffs that we purchased for about five dollars.

Oh, my. I just came across a series of three emails from someone named Kirkham Stewart. The first email is nearly 2000 words. I haven't actually read the whole thing, obviously. But, I've skimmed it and I will attempt to give you the gist of it. It starts out talking about religion and then turns into what might be anti-semitic hate speech (I can't really tell) and then bizarrely turns into an email addressed to "roger Cohen in the new york times" and then it is addressed to Jewish people and then he addresses whoever crashed his website.

The second email from this Kirkham reads:

i just sent you an email about your issue with crocs. i challenge you to publish it immediately. for all your little world to see. and did you know about croc's philanthropy before you began to bugger them? what on earth have you got against them? do you Really care so much about what other people are wearing? do you own a shoe company? are you just anti-capitalist? do you hate philanthropists? or is it just a certain kind of philanthropist? when's the last time you gave seventy-thousand poor people something to wear, asshole? why don't you put your money where your BIG FAT MOUTH IS?


And then the third email reads:

Kate Leth i just visited her link too. and what a great contribution SHE's making to society! i suggest she learn to speak english if she insists upon sharing her little world of making up faces with the rest of the world. i wonder if anyone really cares. i pity them. maybe SHE TOO can find something better to do than to bring down great philanthropy and apply warpaint to these people's faces. and would you please explain what this madness is all about? and who fuckin' cares?


Kate Leth is, of course, the person who started this website with me. I don't really understand his criticisms. Anyhow, clearly our friend Kirkham has a few issues and we wish him the very best with all of that.

Finally, I have gotten two bizarre emails requesting link exchanges. One from a website that sells tungsten wedding rings, and another from a site that has something to do with ceiling fans. The reason why I found this bizarre was because... well... why would we link to tungsten wedding rings or ceiling fans? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I guess. And this time, it PAID OFF, guys. Here are your dang links: Tungsten wedding rings. Ceiling fans.

I hope that means I get a free tungsten ring.


Here are some other things I hate:

- The covers for YA novels.
- Kids today.
- People who talk during, or in any way distract from, a movie.
- Dan Brown.
- The following words and phrases: Silly, keener, guilty pleasure, alrighty, joshing, "fustrated", naughty, funky, snow bunny, wimpy, shared a chuckle.


Oh, ALSO, you can follow me on Twitter. @SavourTheSea. And if you're interested in content produced by me that has even less to do with Crocs than the content on this site does, check out Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.



You can get to the shop by clicking HERE.


Thursday, July 23, 2009