Welcome.
I rarely update this site anymore, but I'm always doing new things at my website located on the Internet here.
I also have a travel blog and miscellaneous ridiculous thing blog called Junior Pigeon.
You can also follow me on Twitter here.
For the IHATECROCS store, go HERE.
Years of blog posts are archived for your reading pleasure below. Thanks for visiting.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Our Legacy
Crocs, as a company, really does try. You have to give them that, if nothing else – they honestly, sincerely want you to put on their shoes. They promise customers that the feeling of slipping one on is incomparable and that Crocs may just be the most comfortable shoes ever invented. They'd really rather you not mention the fact that they may simultaneously be the ugliest. Just try them on. They swear you'll never want to take them off, so long as you don't look down.
It's a fine goal, to be sure, but there are more holes in that logic than in the shoes themselves. There's no getting around the simple fact that Crocs are ugly. It is a truth universally acknowledged. Even the most deluded Crocs lover will concede this point, though they will invariably swap the word ‘ugly’ for ‘quirky’ or ‘unusual’. Regardless, the end result is the same: these people know that the footwear they don is unattractive. They are large, chunky, lurid and punctured with holes. They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.
They're not even tolerably ugly like cheap flip-flops or Birkenstocks. They're blaringly, violently distasteful and while most trends of such an obviously unfashionable nature don't tend to survive for exceptionally long, Crocs have. They've spread like an infection to the furthest reaches of the globe. People, for no discernible reason whatsoever, are dying to get their hands on the most unsightly footwear imaginable. Consumers worldwide are abandoning their dignity and going out on the town in their neon orange – or pink, or blue, or yellow – Crocs.
The question remains: why does anyone wear these Crocs? It can be chalked up to mass insanity, but if one were to ask the average Crocs fan why they wear them, they will undoubtedly answer, “Because they’re extremely comfortable,” repeating the same argument that goaded them into trying the monstrosities on in the first place. These Crocs people truly believe that this is reason enough to wear these hideous shoes. Following this logic, they must believe that going to the market wearing only their underwear or a bathrobe and slippers is just as acceptable.
The most disturbing aspect is that the level of comfort that can be gained from a pair of Crocs is minimal at best. The rubber-like substance that the Crocs are made from sticks to the sole of your foot like hot tar and the strange friction of the shoe against the ground makes it nearly impossible to walk normally, resulting in the unflatteringly named ‘Croc-walk.’ It is particularly noticeable when attempted by children.
However, reminiscent of cultists, Crocs fans will defend their shoes to the bitter end, never giving in to reason and never offering an explanation that can be backed up with supporting arguments. It’s as if these people do not know how to defend Crocs and cannot put into words why they are so enthusiastic about them. None of these people have anyone nearby telling them to change into respectable shoes; everyone around them is usually wearing Crocs, too. It starts with one member of a community and infiltrates the closets of neighbours, friends and children. Soon, everyone is wearing the shoes that only months ago, they all were mocking. It's quiet, it's subtle, and it sneaks up without warning, but soon entire regions become infected. The sane find themselves suddenly in the minority, standing up to such a monumental threat to good taste. They are brave, they are righteous, and they are not alone.
Click here to visit the IHATECROCS store.
Keep up the good fight.
It's a fine goal, to be sure, but there are more holes in that logic than in the shoes themselves. There's no getting around the simple fact that Crocs are ugly. It is a truth universally acknowledged. Even the most deluded Crocs lover will concede this point, though they will invariably swap the word ‘ugly’ for ‘quirky’ or ‘unusual’. Regardless, the end result is the same: these people know that the footwear they don is unattractive. They are large, chunky, lurid and punctured with holes. They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.
They're not even tolerably ugly like cheap flip-flops or Birkenstocks. They're blaringly, violently distasteful and while most trends of such an obviously unfashionable nature don't tend to survive for exceptionally long, Crocs have. They've spread like an infection to the furthest reaches of the globe. People, for no discernible reason whatsoever, are dying to get their hands on the most unsightly footwear imaginable. Consumers worldwide are abandoning their dignity and going out on the town in their neon orange – or pink, or blue, or yellow – Crocs.
The question remains: why does anyone wear these Crocs? It can be chalked up to mass insanity, but if one were to ask the average Crocs fan why they wear them, they will undoubtedly answer, “Because they’re extremely comfortable,” repeating the same argument that goaded them into trying the monstrosities on in the first place. These Crocs people truly believe that this is reason enough to wear these hideous shoes. Following this logic, they must believe that going to the market wearing only their underwear or a bathrobe and slippers is just as acceptable.
The most disturbing aspect is that the level of comfort that can be gained from a pair of Crocs is minimal at best. The rubber-like substance that the Crocs are made from sticks to the sole of your foot like hot tar and the strange friction of the shoe against the ground makes it nearly impossible to walk normally, resulting in the unflatteringly named ‘Croc-walk.’ It is particularly noticeable when attempted by children.
However, reminiscent of cultists, Crocs fans will defend their shoes to the bitter end, never giving in to reason and never offering an explanation that can be backed up with supporting arguments. It’s as if these people do not know how to defend Crocs and cannot put into words why they are so enthusiastic about them. None of these people have anyone nearby telling them to change into respectable shoes; everyone around them is usually wearing Crocs, too. It starts with one member of a community and infiltrates the closets of neighbours, friends and children. Soon, everyone is wearing the shoes that only months ago, they all were mocking. It's quiet, it's subtle, and it sneaks up without warning, but soon entire regions become infected. The sane find themselves suddenly in the minority, standing up to such a monumental threat to good taste. They are brave, they are righteous, and they are not alone.
Click here to visit the IHATECROCS store.
Keep up the good fight.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Ezra James Houndstooth-Clark III Remembers
In all my years as an explorer of the WILDERNESSES and the ANIMALS that inhabit these WILDERNESSES, I have never come upon a beast more difficult to wrangle than the elusive introduction. I have lain awake at night, clutching to my chest my riding crop, trying to summon the muses to inspire me to write a thrilling introduction to an entertaining and educational book. Should I tease the reader with snippets of the vast expanse of knowledge to come? Should I tease the reader with a taste of a tale of one of my explorations and captures? I have not slept for nigh on three nights, yet I am no closer to knowing how to properly introduce you to this book.
Perhaps I’ll begin by listing all the tools you will need to follow in my large footsteps:
First and foremost, you will need a pith helmet. It protects you from falling coconuts and tree-leaping wolverines.
Secondly, you will need a machete, to clear brush from your path and to kill things, should the need arise (which it will). I cannot count on my fingers the number of times I have had to use my machete for self-defense, because it has been ten times, and I lost my left index finger in a machete-related accident.
Thirdly, you will need appropriate clothing. Clothing that will stand up to the muck and grime and rain and venom of the thickest jungles, deepest caves and murkiest waters. My clothing is made of the toughest leather that can be found in Australia, made from cows that were incredibly difficult to kill. I know because I killed them personally.
Fourthly, you will need flashlights, granola bars, spatulas, tin whistles, chicken wire, a whip, a jar of peanut butter, a riding crop, a cellular telephone, a Gideon Bible, various prescription drugs, sunscreen and a jar of Africanized killer bees, for obvious reasons.
Fifthly, you will need courage, stamina, fortitude, the drive to succeed, a British accent and this book. Yes, this very book you now hold in your suspiciously well-manicured hands. This very book, titled EZRA JAMES HOUNDSTOOTH-CLARK'S FIELD GUIDE TO ANIMALS of the WILDERNESS. Where there is a WILDERNESS, there shall also be ANIMALS, and this is the only book that will adequately prepare you for them. It should be with you at all times. It shall be your steadfast companion, even as your Sherpas die of malaria and scurvy all around you.
If you follow all my guidelines, suggestions, rules and murmurings, I guarantee that this book will save your life at least once, despite its murky origins and swirling rumours about my penchant for shoplifting, allegations regarding my pathological lying and the related dubiousness of my claim to have been educated at Oxford.
Explore this world, for it is grand!
Ezra James Houndstooth-Clark
THE STAR-NOSED MOLE
The star-nosed mole is so-called because of its most terrifying attribute – a nose that is made up entirely of horrible red tentacles that thrash and twist like the snakes of Hell. Scientists agree that the mole is too terrifying to ever properly research and thus the exact purpose of these wretched tentacles has never been understood.
The mole’s second most terrifying attribute would be its claws, which are sharp like knives and ideal for skinning puppies alive. However, the mole does not kill for sustenance, only for fun and practice. It eats no meat, subsisting entirely on a diet of peanut butter, which it produces in hives, much like bees produce honey.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: Jesus God, why would you even try? If you insist upon tempting the fates and attempting to trap one of these godless creatures, do not look at the mole’s tentacles directly, as this will only raise its ire.
To find a star-nosed mole hive, simply follow the trail of skinless puppies until you reach a cave. The hives are always in caves. Enter the cave and walk until you see a large brown dome. This is the hive. Coat a stick in peanut butter and insert the stick into a declivity in the base of the hive. If you feel a tug on your stick, this means that a mole has latched on. Tug with all your might. From here, you are on your own.
THE FERRET
The ferret is an adorable, fuzzy, tubular piranha with legs. They were bred by the Soviets during the Cold War, for the purposes of unleashing them on American soil. The ferrets were engineered to be adorable, so as not to draw suspicion. However, the ferrets turned on their makers and that is why the Soviets lost the Cold War.
Nowadays, the ferret is tranquil and poses no threat to you, although it will kill you the very moment you give it the chance so do not give it the chance.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: The only circumstances under which you should attempt to trap a ferret is if you have an infestation in your walls and must take one of the ferrets hostage in order to compel the rest of the colony to move on.
Firstly, go to your local butcher shop and purchase a pound of whale blubber. Secondly, place the blubber on the floor in your living room and stand over it, motionless, with a blunt object in your hands. Thirdly, wait in this position for four to seven hours. The ferret will come. Fourthly, when the ferret does venture toward the blubber, bean it over the head with your blunt object. You may need to hit it a few times before rendering it unconscious. Lastly, write a note to the rest of the colony, threatening the life of the ferret if they don’t leave. Mean what you write. They can tell if you don’t mean it.
THE OTTER
The otter is among the most intelligent and curious creatures in the animal kingdom. It is one of the few semi-aquatic mammals to wear tweed, and has a tremendous aptitude for mathematics and finance.
A fascinating symbiotic relationship exists between platypuses and otters, wherein the platypus will catch food for the otter and the otter will do the platypus’ taxes. Very few such relationships exist in the animal kingdom, as very few animals practice chartered accountancy.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: The otter, being incredibly intelligent, will not fall for the typical ruses reserved for stupid animals such as the tuna-fish and the horseshoe-crab. The otter must first be distracted by logic puzzles and word games.
Alternatively, exploit the otter's notoriously low self-esteem. Subtly, putting the otter down will cause it to weep. Once blinded by foolish tears, it can be carefully lifted by the tail and placed into an enclosure.
Once the otter is safely stowed away in a small box or "cube," you are free to taunt and bully the small animal to your heart's content.
Perhaps I’ll begin by listing all the tools you will need to follow in my large footsteps:
First and foremost, you will need a pith helmet. It protects you from falling coconuts and tree-leaping wolverines.
Secondly, you will need a machete, to clear brush from your path and to kill things, should the need arise (which it will). I cannot count on my fingers the number of times I have had to use my machete for self-defense, because it has been ten times, and I lost my left index finger in a machete-related accident.
Thirdly, you will need appropriate clothing. Clothing that will stand up to the muck and grime and rain and venom of the thickest jungles, deepest caves and murkiest waters. My clothing is made of the toughest leather that can be found in Australia, made from cows that were incredibly difficult to kill. I know because I killed them personally.
Fourthly, you will need flashlights, granola bars, spatulas, tin whistles, chicken wire, a whip, a jar of peanut butter, a riding crop, a cellular telephone, a Gideon Bible, various prescription drugs, sunscreen and a jar of Africanized killer bees, for obvious reasons.
Fifthly, you will need courage, stamina, fortitude, the drive to succeed, a British accent and this book. Yes, this very book you now hold in your suspiciously well-manicured hands. This very book, titled EZRA JAMES HOUNDSTOOTH-CLARK'S FIELD GUIDE TO ANIMALS of the WILDERNESS. Where there is a WILDERNESS, there shall also be ANIMALS, and this is the only book that will adequately prepare you for them. It should be with you at all times. It shall be your steadfast companion, even as your Sherpas die of malaria and scurvy all around you.
If you follow all my guidelines, suggestions, rules and murmurings, I guarantee that this book will save your life at least once, despite its murky origins and swirling rumours about my penchant for shoplifting, allegations regarding my pathological lying and the related dubiousness of my claim to have been educated at Oxford.
Explore this world, for it is grand!
Ezra James Houndstooth-Clark
THE STAR-NOSED MOLE
The star-nosed mole is so-called because of its most terrifying attribute – a nose that is made up entirely of horrible red tentacles that thrash and twist like the snakes of Hell. Scientists agree that the mole is too terrifying to ever properly research and thus the exact purpose of these wretched tentacles has never been understood.
The mole’s second most terrifying attribute would be its claws, which are sharp like knives and ideal for skinning puppies alive. However, the mole does not kill for sustenance, only for fun and practice. It eats no meat, subsisting entirely on a diet of peanut butter, which it produces in hives, much like bees produce honey.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: Jesus God, why would you even try? If you insist upon tempting the fates and attempting to trap one of these godless creatures, do not look at the mole’s tentacles directly, as this will only raise its ire.
To find a star-nosed mole hive, simply follow the trail of skinless puppies until you reach a cave. The hives are always in caves. Enter the cave and walk until you see a large brown dome. This is the hive. Coat a stick in peanut butter and insert the stick into a declivity in the base of the hive. If you feel a tug on your stick, this means that a mole has latched on. Tug with all your might. From here, you are on your own.
THE FERRET
The ferret is an adorable, fuzzy, tubular piranha with legs. They were bred by the Soviets during the Cold War, for the purposes of unleashing them on American soil. The ferrets were engineered to be adorable, so as not to draw suspicion. However, the ferrets turned on their makers and that is why the Soviets lost the Cold War.
Nowadays, the ferret is tranquil and poses no threat to you, although it will kill you the very moment you give it the chance so do not give it the chance.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: The only circumstances under which you should attempt to trap a ferret is if you have an infestation in your walls and must take one of the ferrets hostage in order to compel the rest of the colony to move on.
Firstly, go to your local butcher shop and purchase a pound of whale blubber. Secondly, place the blubber on the floor in your living room and stand over it, motionless, with a blunt object in your hands. Thirdly, wait in this position for four to seven hours. The ferret will come. Fourthly, when the ferret does venture toward the blubber, bean it over the head with your blunt object. You may need to hit it a few times before rendering it unconscious. Lastly, write a note to the rest of the colony, threatening the life of the ferret if they don’t leave. Mean what you write. They can tell if you don’t mean it.
THE OTTER
The otter is among the most intelligent and curious creatures in the animal kingdom. It is one of the few semi-aquatic mammals to wear tweed, and has a tremendous aptitude for mathematics and finance.
A fascinating symbiotic relationship exists between platypuses and otters, wherein the platypus will catch food for the otter and the otter will do the platypus’ taxes. Very few such relationships exist in the animal kingdom, as very few animals practice chartered accountancy.
HOW TO TRAP ONE: The otter, being incredibly intelligent, will not fall for the typical ruses reserved for stupid animals such as the tuna-fish and the horseshoe-crab. The otter must first be distracted by logic puzzles and word games.
Alternatively, exploit the otter's notoriously low self-esteem. Subtly, putting the otter down will cause it to weep. Once blinded by foolish tears, it can be carefully lifted by the tail and placed into an enclosure.
Once the otter is safely stowed away in a small box or "cube," you are free to taunt and bully the small animal to your heart's content.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
IMMOVABLE OBJECT VS. UNSTOPPABLE FORCE: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS EDITION
Hello, I would just like to share with you the latest video we've put up at Junior Pigeon Dot Com. Laura and I (Vincenzo) have discovered that we are evenly matched in our Rock Paper Scissors prowess. Neither can beat the other. This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object:
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
branching out - i hate fashion
This is the new 'oversized ringer see thru t-shirt' by American Apparel. It unfortunately doesn't come with the moustache; you must supply your own. I do believe this shirt requires a moustache for the proper accessorizing. Observe how the brown of the moustache and the brown of the shirt complement each other. I find this image emotionally moving.The cost is $26.00. The shirt is backordered. It is an incredibly popular item. If only the Snuggy/Slanket people thought to make their products 'see thru.'
A perfect companion to your yellow or brown Crocs.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Junior Pigeon Dot Com
I get quite a few emails from people who ask me why I'd spend "so much time" on a website that is negative. The truth is, I don't spend very much time on this website. But back when I started IHATECROCS, it was definitely needed. For my own sanity.
I'm sure I've told the tale before, but the origin of IHATECROCS is as follows: I was in high school. I had lived a Croc-free existence for my entire life. Suddenly, into the room walks someone wearing Crocs. My friend Matt pointed out to me the ridiculousness of the shoe. But, they were only being worn by that one weird guy in the class, so I thought nothing of it. We made fun of the shoes because they were so bizarre and ugly. Some time passed.
More people started wearing them. It was very strange. Like a virus or an outbreak of zombies. It was spreading. People in my group of friends started wearing them. And then... one day... Matt got a pair. Matt, the guy who had been making fun of Crocs with me. The guy who pointed them out to me! He was wearing a pair of black Crocs. I didn't understand. I had to know there were other sane people in the world. I started up IHATECROCS and that's how you come to be looking at these words.
All of this is just a roundabout way of letting you know that I have another site and it's not about hating things. It's called Junior Pigeon Dot Com and my girlfriend and I started it as an outlet for our various projects and hijinx. So, check it out! We're going to do cool things!
I'm sure I've told the tale before, but the origin of IHATECROCS is as follows: I was in high school. I had lived a Croc-free existence for my entire life. Suddenly, into the room walks someone wearing Crocs. My friend Matt pointed out to me the ridiculousness of the shoe. But, they were only being worn by that one weird guy in the class, so I thought nothing of it. We made fun of the shoes because they were so bizarre and ugly. Some time passed.
More people started wearing them. It was very strange. Like a virus or an outbreak of zombies. It was spreading. People in my group of friends started wearing them. And then... one day... Matt got a pair. Matt, the guy who had been making fun of Crocs with me. The guy who pointed them out to me! He was wearing a pair of black Crocs. I didn't understand. I had to know there were other sane people in the world. I started up IHATECROCS and that's how you come to be looking at these words.
All of this is just a roundabout way of letting you know that I have another site and it's not about hating things. It's called Junior Pigeon Dot Com and my girlfriend and I started it as an outlet for our various projects and hijinx. So, check it out! We're going to do cool things!
The MacKenzie / Ravina Memorial Toaster from Junior Pigeon on Vimeo.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
This post has been brought to you by a kindly sponsor
Today's post is brought to you by the good people at BuyItRightHere.co.uk -- where comfort meets fashion, apparently. But we'll get back to that in a bit!
In the meantime, we have everyone's favourite thing: HATEMAIL! Now with personal attacks!
This is from our good friend Jason Patrick:
1. I find it odd that you are unable to comprehend this blog. It's a fairly simple concept. It is called 'I Hate Crocs' and it is for people who hate Crocs. Simple!
2. Oh, I see. You don't understand what we mean by 'Crocs.' That's fair enough. You're correct, that company does have many types of shoes. To specify, this website is against their ugly model. The luridly coloured Swiss cheese clog-footwear.
3. Further, I am unsure which part of this website you find 'poorly researched.' Near as I can tell, there's no real research involved. Jason, if you are interested in my journalistic work, which involves research and interviews, you can go to Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.
4. Finally, just a nitpicky thing: you put the word 'blog' in quotes, as though questioning the legitimacy of this website's claim to be a blog. I find this odd. That's all.
We thank Jason truly, for taking the time to write.
Next, we have an email from Fergus Travers:
Dear Fergus Travers,
Awesome name!
Love,
Vincenzo
In any case, as a special treat, each of our hatemailers today (Both Fergus and Jason) will be getting $30 credits at BuyItRightHere.co.uk. Yes, they will get $30 off whatever they purchase on the website of our kindly sponsors.
BUT I know what you're saying. You're saying, 'Vincenzo, why do the hatemailers get rewarded with $30 credits at the awesome website that is sponsoring this post? We actually like your site and don't send you terrible hatemail. How dare you, Vincenzo? How dare you?'
Well, we've anticipated this reaction. We've got a $30 credit for everyone. Up to 100 of you, anyway. Just type in the following code when you order: 515IHATE
See? Easy. Also, you're probably wondering what that site sells. They sell Ugg Boots. And as far as I know, they are the only site on the internet that sells Ugg Boots.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Vincenzo, are you ENDORSING Ugg Boots?'
And to that, I would respond, 'No.'
But this is what Naomi at BuyItRightHere.co.uk had to say: "Fashion in my mind brings so much more to life if it can be therapeutic and healthy. Often comfort and fashion clash and we sacrifice our sanity to fit into the size 6 dress and live with the blisters from new heels."
And here is a list of things that Ugg Boots can probably do for you:
Act now. You have two weeks. And yes, that is a threat.
Click here.
The preceding has been our first attempt at paid advertising. How'd we do?
Let us know at ihatecrocs@gmail.com
In the meantime, we have everyone's favourite thing: HATEMAIL! Now with personal attacks!
This is from our good friend Jason Patrick:
Sorry, I just can't comprehend your blog or your personal fetish regarding Crocs. I'm happy to see their economic recovery and expansion succeed, since the global economy needs all the help it can get....but do you even have any clue at all regarding your complaints? Are you even remotely aware of the fact that the company has hundreds of different styles of shoes, and all but the basic model don't look anything like the particular model you appear to detest? The company makes very good-looking shoes for many people, including some more stylish women's shoes in particular; and employs a few thousand people globally - don't you think there are better things in this world to hate? I'm just curious what particular mental defect causes someone to spend this much energy attacking what other people choose to wear - exactly why is this SO offensive and upsetting for you? I'm sure you have plenty of mommy issues (or daddy issues) or whatever else, are you really going to spend your free time getting upset about other people's footwear? Good luck with the journalism career though, I certainly hope future employers don't chance upon your poorly written and even-more-poorly researched 'blog' during your job search.Dear Jason:
1. I find it odd that you are unable to comprehend this blog. It's a fairly simple concept. It is called 'I Hate Crocs' and it is for people who hate Crocs. Simple!
2. Oh, I see. You don't understand what we mean by 'Crocs.' That's fair enough. You're correct, that company does have many types of shoes. To specify, this website is against their ugly model. The luridly coloured Swiss cheese clog-footwear.
3. Further, I am unsure which part of this website you find 'poorly researched.' Near as I can tell, there's no real research involved. Jason, if you are interested in my journalistic work, which involves research and interviews, you can go to Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.
4. Finally, just a nitpicky thing: you put the word 'blog' in quotes, as though questioning the legitimacy of this website's claim to be a blog. I find this odd. That's all.
We thank Jason truly, for taking the time to write.
Next, we have an email from Fergus Travers:
I seriously think you have a problem. I too think crocs are ugly as shit but I wear them indoors and around my land but I don't go as far as making a fucking website and selling shirts saying "they are to your eyes like second hand smoke is to your lungs". At least think of something better than that shit. You want to retire early... the group of people who created crocs can retire or probably have retired and are living in amazing houses and driving sweet cars, you are a very sad person and I do feel sorry for you and your friend who made this lump of shit of a site, you're obviously both rejected and turn towards hating crocs and selling fucked up t-shirts for money... I'm sorry but there is something wrong with you.
Awesome name!
Love,
Vincenzo
In any case, as a special treat, each of our hatemailers today (Both Fergus and Jason) will be getting $30 credits at BuyItRightHere.co.uk. Yes, they will get $30 off whatever they purchase on the website of our kindly sponsors.
BUT I know what you're saying. You're saying, 'Vincenzo, why do the hatemailers get rewarded with $30 credits at the awesome website that is sponsoring this post? We actually like your site and don't send you terrible hatemail. How dare you, Vincenzo? How dare you?'
Well, we've anticipated this reaction. We've got a $30 credit for everyone. Up to 100 of you, anyway. Just type in the following code when you order: 515IHATE
See? Easy. Also, you're probably wondering what that site sells. They sell Ugg Boots. And as far as I know, they are the only site on the internet that sells Ugg Boots.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Vincenzo, are you ENDORSING Ugg Boots?'
And to that, I would respond, 'No.'
But this is what Naomi at BuyItRightHere.co.uk had to say: "Fashion in my mind brings so much more to life if it can be therapeutic and healthy. Often comfort and fashion clash and we sacrifice our sanity to fit into the size 6 dress and live with the blisters from new heels."
And here is a list of things that Ugg Boots can probably do for you:
- Keep your feet dry
- Keep your feet wet (if you fill the boots with water before putting them on)
- Kill a Cornish game hen (if you throw the boot at the Cornish game hen)
- MUCH much more.
Act now. You have two weeks. And yes, that is a threat.
Click here.
The preceding has been our first attempt at paid advertising. How'd we do?
Let us know at ihatecrocs@gmail.com
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