Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Our Legacy

Crocs, as a company, really does try. You have to give them that, if nothing else – they honestly, sincerely want you to put on their shoes. They promise customers that the feeling of slipping one on is incomparable and that Crocs may just be the most comfortable shoes ever invented. They'd really rather you not mention the fact that they may simultaneously be the ugliest. Just try them on. They swear you'll never want to take them off, so long as you don't look down.

It's a fine goal, to be sure, but there are more holes in that logic than in the shoes themselves. There's no getting around the simple fact that Crocs are ugly. It is a truth universally acknowledged. Even the most deluded Crocs lover will concede this point, though they will invariably swap the word ‘ugly’ for ‘quirky’ or ‘unusual’. Regardless, the end result is the same: these people know that the footwear they don is unattractive. They are large, chunky, lurid and punctured with holes. They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.

They're not even tolerably ugly like cheap flip-flops or Birkenstocks. They're blaringly, violently distasteful and while most trends of such an obviously unfashionable nature don't tend to survive for exceptionally long, Crocs have. They've spread like an infection to the furthest reaches of the globe. People, for no discernible reason whatsoever, are dying to get their hands on the most unsightly footwear imaginable. Consumers worldwide are abandoning their dignity and going out on the town in their neon orange – or pink, or blue, or yellow – Crocs.

The question remains: why does anyone wear these Crocs? It can be chalked up to mass insanity, but if one were to ask the average Crocs fan why they wear them, they will undoubtedly answer, “Because they’re extremely comfortable,” repeating the same argument that goaded them into trying the monstrosities on in the first place. These Crocs people truly believe that this is reason enough to wear these hideous shoes. Following this logic, they must believe that going to the market wearing only their underwear or a bathrobe and slippers is just as acceptable.

The most disturbing aspect is that the level of comfort that can be gained from a pair of Crocs is minimal at best. The rubber-like substance that the Crocs are made from sticks to the sole of your foot like hot tar and the strange friction of the shoe against the ground makes it nearly impossible to walk normally, resulting in the unflatteringly named ‘Croc-walk.’ It is particularly noticeable when attempted by children.

However, reminiscent of cultists, Crocs fans will defend their shoes to the bitter end, never giving in to reason and never offering an explanation that can be backed up with supporting arguments. It’s as if these people do not know how to defend Crocs and cannot put into words why they are so enthusiastic about them. None of these people have anyone nearby telling them to change into respectable shoes; everyone around them is usually wearing Crocs, too. It starts with one member of a community and infiltrates the closets of neighbours, friends and children. Soon, everyone is wearing the shoes that only months ago, they all were mocking. It's quiet, it's subtle, and it sneaks up without warning, but soon entire regions become infected. The sane find themselves suddenly in the minority, standing up to such a monumental threat to good taste. They are brave, they are righteous, and they are not alone.





Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Click here to visit the IHATECROCS store.


Keep up the good fight.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

crocs are terrible. duh... but everyone on your website is hideous. footwear is the least of your concerns.

jeckt84 said...

Found some great holiday coupons for Crocs this season at http://www.ontimedeals.com/store-list/crocs/

Anonymous said...

If you hate crocs so much, why have you devoted so much of your time to them? Seems to me, it's a strange kind of admiration.

Get on with your life. Stop ranting about something that's not in your power to change on a website no-one's ever going to read.

Anonymous said...

Get over yourself girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog with such interest that it made me love my Crocs even more.

Crocs Murah said...

it's okay if you do hate crocs, but i'm a little bit concerns 'bout how you express it. Please don't save hate n anger for a long time in your heart n soul, it will killing u softly....
Learn how to love crocs at my store; Crocs Murah

Faith J. said...

I hate Crocs too and I support your website. Comfort should never supersede good taste. There are plenty of comfortable things to wear out there that are also stylish and attractive.

I also support anyone who creates a website called
IHateTheGap.com or IHateUggs.com

Anonymous said...

They sure are durable! Look how long they take to destroy!

T-Shirt Types said...

i also hate croc..because now a days every one wear croc so it is very common so i do not like this.
Cool T-Shirts

childrens clothing said...

Crocs are made of rubber – and not some hard, vulcanized, blister-inducing type, either. The shoes are soft enough to be comfortable on your feet, but tough enough to stand up to lots of walking.

Anonymous said...

Wow i love crocs they are awesome. Why would you just get a website just for this subject? I hate YOUR website.

James Franklin said...

Free Social Media Marketing where Every thing will be Free, Facebook Likes, Twitter Followers, Twitter Tweets, Twitter Re-Tweets, Twitter Favorites, Google Plus Followers, StumbleUpon Followers, Youtube Views, Youtube Likes, Youtube Subsribes, Pinterest Followers, Pinterest Likes, Pinterest PinIt, Free Website Visitors.
Just Join now and Free Increase your Social Media Networks.
GetLikeFast.com

Leonard Ewaleifo said...

dude you are a hater why are you hating you know this shit dosent change anything crocs will still make money because I don't like crocs clogs but i like there sneakers so don't hate apriciate

Anonymous said...

I love crocs: super lightweight, better protection than flip flops or Tevas, better to see ugly crocs (I grant you they're ugly) than ugly toes. I rest my case.

Natsu Uaganda said...

Get Hourly profit for 200 hours on every hour without any risk and without any work, best business plans ever
AllTimeProfit.com

Anonymous said...

Really? They're just shoes.. Who cares if they're ugly or comfortable. They're shoes.