Friday, June 20, 2008

crocs story from zach and wisdom teeth

Hi everyone.

I got my wisdom teeth out this morning. It was interesting! I spent most of my morning pretty drugged up. Want to see the text messages I sent Kate right after the surgery? Yes you do!

"Done. I was axxajjk tge whole tgme."

"Iwedfeel weaqp. Gt 's so"

"My mouth is edul ofblood. I feddl good. I takej to everybeey."

I have absolutely no idea what the second text message means. Not a single clue. Anyway, I'm no longer drugged out of my mind, because they didn't give me a prescription for the good stuff, just ibuprofen. Lame. Although it does make the spaces where teeth used to be less painful. For this, I am thankful.

Zach sent in a crocs story for us! Check it out:

So, I am heading south on New Ballas Road, trying to make a left onto Ladue. I am first in a left-turning red light. It is 2:30pm on a Tuesday, and I am waiting for this light to turn green, so I can get to the office. I hate waiting. All Israelis...Boom...do. What the heck was that? I hear a noise, a bang, and am quite shaken. Could someone just hit me from behind? Shit... I go out of the car, and a guy walks out of his car. He is in his mid-forties, greyish hair, sloppy dress, total mess in his 2-door silver Mercedes. Several large cups of Lion's Den (or whatever that fast food chain is called) are sitting in the passenger seat on a pile of lots and lots of paper. I wonder what is in these cups...

The guy apologizes for hitting me. Apparently, this is a new car, and he says that he is not used to the breaks. The Green crocs he is so proudly wearing, i think to myself, do not press the pedal well. I truly feel bad for him. I ask him to pull aside into a driveway on Ladue so we can talk this out. We get there and I look down to check my bumper. Despite the flashes from his lime-green crocs I see that my bumper is cracked. He, again, apologizes. He tells me his name and asks me that we settle it without involving the insurance company.

"You have kids?" he asks.
"No, I do not.".
"My four-year-old took my wallet. You know, they do these things when they are that age."

I recall all the wallets I took from my parents when I was four. Those were some days. My brother used to do that when he was a kid, too.

"Anyway, I do not have my license or my insurance information. I am willing to pay you $100 for the damages right now."
"$100 is not going to cover this damage." I immediately reply.

This is definitely one of those what-to-do moments. My students are familiar with those, in a different context of course.

"You know, the dealer is just up the street. Let's go there and get an estimate for the damage." I reply.
"Well, I have a meeting at 3pm. I'd hate to miss it." he says.
"You will have to miss it, man, I have some meetings myself, and it does not look i will make them either."

So, he agrees, shakes my hand, telling me how great I am. How the heck did he figure it out, I ponder.

Off we go. I take a quick glance at his license plate, get into my car, and write it down. Two minutes later, we are approaching the dealership. He is behind me, and I am watching so that he will not bump into me again. I signal to make a left into the dealership. And....off he goes, turning to the right lane, and getting away!!!! Wow, now i gotta think fast. I immediately think that you do not mess with the Zohan.

So, I switch to the right lane, carefully, making sure I do not hit the other cars. It is quite heavy traffic and I see him turning right onto Olive. I am after him, dialing 911 on my cell phone. Luckily, I have a blue-tooth enabled phone. Gosh, I love gadgets. My Garmin GPS is not yet working. It is sitting in its box in the trunk, unopened, as I have just received it the day before, but did not have time to activate yet.

The runaway man presses his lime-green-croced foot onto the pedal and drives away. "I am in a chase, yay!", I think. But immediately have to calm myself and think what to do next.

"Creve Coeur Poilce Department. If you are in a car chase after a green- croced-man, do not press anything, just speak"
"Hi, I am on Olive, driving east, and I am chasing a car that hit me earlier and is now running away. His license plate is YYY-111" (Unfortunately, I cannot reveal this information)"
"Ok, stay calm, I am on the case. What is the cross-street?"
"Craig Road"
"OK, stay behind..."
"He is turning right on Graeser. I am behind him"
"Ok. it looks like he is going home. Park your car and wait for the officers to get there"

I do as I am told. In the meantime, I lose him. Two minutes later, the officers get there. 3 cars. One of them stays with me. The other two, I assume, go to look for the green-croced man. I tell my officer the entire story, and about 10 minutes later he says:
"They have the guy. They want you to join me in my car and do a drive-by so that you could identify the person."

Wow, me in a police car. That is a first.

"Sure, I will join you."

I have to sit in the back, because a police volunteer is sitting in the front. "Buckle up."
"Oh, right.."
So, I am in a police car now, heading south.

"So, what were some distinctive features of the person?" The officer asks.
"He was white, mid-forties, grey hair, little belly, and he had neon-green crocs on."

The car is turning right. It is a well-to-do subdivision, full of trees. And there is an aurora in the horizon. A green shade lights up the sky. Two police cars are parked in the distance. It seems that the green shade is emanating from the ground, the driveway. Oh, right. It is the green crocs, and there is that man in them!!! He is trying to walk straight to the orders of the officer who is standing next to him. He is very shaking, poor guy. I did not know that the material from this gross plastic can quickly impact one's mental demeanor.

"That's him" I tell the officer.
"How do you know?"
"Well, can't you see? the green Aurora...the little smiling alligator, that annoying two-position buckle that you can place either to the front of your foot or pressed against the back of it? That's him!!!"

"We have a positive ID." The officer says in the walkie-talkie to the other officer.
"The green crocs?" The other officer replies.
"Oh, yeah, they did another one in".

There you have it.

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

I Think that you have a most defective conceptual thinking process. You Have Personal biases and you link them to shoes? Low IQ? OBVIOUSLY!

Anonymous said...

why are you on ihatecrocs.com then? i think you're the one with the low IQ

Anonymous said...

i loved that story. i was unfortunatly given a pair of "ruby" crocs, shiney pieces of crap (i mean plastic). yes the are more comfy then flip flops but i wore them out of gratitude once with the giver and sprained my ankle. they now sit in my closet on the pile of other shoes i never wear

Anonymous said...

dude itds not the crocs fault u dont know how to walk! ANY IDIOT WITH CROCS CAN WALK ITS NOT THE CROCS RESPONSABILITY TO TEACH U HOW TO WALK!!

ur so stupid u dont know how to walk...
stupid dumb ass
cant walk in crocks!!
ur a disgrase to humanity!!
u suck!!!
hope u get attacked by crocks!!!!
die

Anonymous said...

What's funny about this story is that I live in the same neighborhood, and was also getting a wisdom tooth removed. Seriously. At about the same time frame. Because of complications I was forced to be bed ridden for a while. I was discussing with the boyfriend how much I love my close friend, but hate that her whole family has crocs. They even have those damn fuzzy inserts, and plugs. Hers in particular are in stereotypical suburban mom neon pink, of course. So in boredom I google crocs and bam, it's a small world after all.

Anonymous said...

That is a hillarious story. I was glued to the screen! In full agreement about the crocs, unless you are 80 and an avid gardener, there is no reason to be wearing them, amongst other footwear that shall not be mentioned..

Laura Kinson said...

this.
story.
is.
amazing.

Anonymous said...

....
ALL OF YOU SUCK -.-

Anonymous said...

....
ALL OF YOU SUCK -.-

Anonymous said...

....
ALL OF YOU SUCK -.-

Anonymous said...

crocs are the ugliest things ever invented. i'd wrather go out in the streets naked than wear crocs. seriously. some of yall need to learn how to spell

Anonymous said...

Ha ha.... that was a great story! Very amusing.

Anonymous said...

I chose to get my wisdom teeth out without gas or drugs. The doctor only used novacaine. There was no pain. I just made sure to keep my eyes shut the whole time, so as not to get a glimpse of what was going on in the mirror above. The only unpleasant part was hearing the teeth being chipped away at.

It was agony once the novacaine wore off a few hours later, though. I took the narcotic pain killer prescribed to me, but I was still in intense pain all that night. Fortunately, I was pain-free the next day. The narcotic didn't make me loopy, fortunately.

I wasn't prepared for how long it took to be able to eat normally again. It took a long while for the wisdom-tooth sites to fully heal, and it was especially difficult to eat solid foods during that time.

Anonymous said...

that is the stupidest made up story I have ever heard. get a life.

Anonymous said...

Check this out: www.crocslovehate.com. I saw a commercial for it over the weekend.

Anonymous said...

http://ourhouse.typepad.com/
full_circle/2008/07/
crocs-repurpose.html

Anonymous said...

"i'd WRATHER go out in the streets naked" . . . "some of yall need to learn how to spell"

Hm. Someone needs to take their own advice.

Michelle said...

That's hilarious, I gotta say. I'm known to make comments such as "better not rob a bank using THAT car" when I see a wildly colored car. Now I can use the same humor with crocs as well! LOL

I don't like them either fyi - they look stupid. I prefer flip flops anyway...in winter too (I'm in Colorado so this behavior is justified)

Anonymous said...

I love this story because I live in the general vicinity of where this happened. Boo crocs

Anonymous said...

awww. i thought this was a real story..... i was wondering if the guy got arrested....... oh well... guess i am the dumbass

Anonymous said...

Someone from St Louis LOL and Its Lions Choice "best Roast beef fast food in town" Screw these people I like my Crocs Great for cutting the grass in.

Anonymous said...

I think that it is disturbing how defensive people are of neon green foam shoes. There is something wrong with that. The person who decided that their IQ was higher than the croc-haters made a huge judgement without using his or her "high IQ"...Who would link a low IQ to a person's individual opinion?? I would have to say that the humor in that situation is priceless, and truly well-rounded people with higher IQ's respond well to humor...

Anonymous said...

crocs are an abomination to mankind. great story, hehe green aurora

Anonymous said...

cccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooocccccccccccccccsssssssssssss

Anonymous said...

Loved the story. Love Crocs too, but never wear them off of my property. Wearing Crocs in public should be taboo. They are like lounge pants and sweat pants...you don't wear them in public!

Cassie said...

I live in Saint Louis near Ballas. Let me just say your story was highly entertaining and I knew right what your were talking about. A lot of people where crocs and when you just see them they stick out like a sore thumb....

Luis Calex said...

I definitely can feel your pain as far as wisdom teeth. I had all four pulled out the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, so while everybody in the barracks had turkey, I had... pudding.

Anonymous said...

The people on here using language like "you suck" need some serious anger management. Or perhaps they are thirteen year olds with braces who valiantly defend the shoes they so adore.
LMAO.

Does anyone notice famine or death in the world and realize cursing other people out for hating shoes is the biggest waste of time. FIND A NEW CAUSE CHILDREN. Crocs are fugly.

Anonymous said...

I live in St. Louis. Ladue and Crocs go together, unfortunately, all too well. Thanks for that story!

Anonymous said...

hahaha the best story even ... hi-5 for the quick thinking of writing the license plate down!!

Anonymous said...

hahaha the best story even ... hi-5 for the quick thinking of writing the license plate down!!

lercin said...

I think the inventor of Crocs sold his soul to the devil- why else would anyone ever wear such atrociously hideous things on their feet.

Anonymous said...

More telling than wearing crocs is that the douchebag drives a Mercedes but apparently can't or won't afford insurance. THOSE are the people that should be... dealt with.

Anonymous said...

Wow, for the longest time, I thought I was the only person who hated crocs. I thought there HAD to be something I was missing.

I feel so much better knowing that they really ARE ugly, and I was right all along! THANK YOU!!!

Albert the Gnome said...

I also live in the neighborhood that this story takes place in. That's awesome! Going from the left lane to get into Plaza to the right is highly dangerous most days. :)

Anonymous said...

Everyone listen, we need crocs aren't the coolest shoe in the world. So, why go make fun of people who wear them. I mean, come on, I don't think there that bad they are nice to wear. They beat wearing thoes old orthopedic shoes 80 yrea old men wear. What if someone said all flip flops are gay? you going to make an I love flip flpos website? Grow up and think about other. Most people have to wear these ok.

Anonymous said...

I meant when I said we need crocs I ment we know

Anonymous said...

you want annoying? it isn't the crocs....if I see another bluetooth headset as mentioned in this article, I'll rip the ear off that it is placed into. are you that important where you need to piece of shit plugged into your ear the whole day? do you sleep in it? you wear a bluetooth headset and you are annoyed at crocs?!?!

Jenny W in CA said...

That guy was a complete JERK, green crocs or not. I have been hit twice and the driver either taken off or not left any information. In the words of Samuel L. Jackson "Mother Fu****!"

While I agree that Crocs are UGLY, I will not bow to those criticizing them and those that wear them. Their basic model is a tad hideous. I wear my Croc sandals because they ARE comfortable and I don't even know I have shoes on. Flip flops slap my feet and rub between my toes.

Beth said...

I love this story. Not because I hate Crocs, which I do, but because I just moved away from St. Louis and as soon as the story started out I could picture exactly where Zach was. Made me miss it a little.

Anonymous said...

HaHaHa!!!!! Very funny story!!! I'm glad the guy didn't get away with it. I hate crocs too, btw.

Amy said...

ok I am not exactly certain how I came across this site, but when I started reading this post I actually laughed out loud enough to make my husband come check out what was so funny. I laughed through the entire story as all of it was too funny, but the initial laugh was at the fact that after I read the first two streets I knew your exact location...North Countian here! Not too often I run across St. Louis based blogs. What was this guys street name again!? Remind me to avoid it!
p.s. no crock wearers in this house- not even my 3 yr old daughter!

DEVAN HAILEY said...

i actually think that the guy thats making fun of the zach for having bluetooth is a dumbass cause ya know in california ther requierd so get a life and eat it for all i care im not sorry but crocs are pretty lame unless ur like an 80 year old petty gardener and your docter told you to wear them then ther unneeded so please

cros are just as bad as old fashion flares
so save some eyes and lets not wear the appitomy of lame

Anonymous said...

its funny that people say theres better things to bitch about and that crocs are so ugly, but im pretty sure there are other things in this world that are either just as ugly, or more amusing to talk about...hahaha...but its interesting to see what people think i guess.

Anonymous said...

Great story, the crocs did him in. FLIP FLOPS! Way better, and they aren't shoes that easily give off an aura.

Dave said...

Note to Self: Don't do anything stupid while wearing ugly plastic shoes ;-)

HN said...

Serves him right, stupid cunt. A Croc wearer with no insurance? Deserved everything he got.

Anonymous said...

except for the fact that this never happened, you dipshit.

Anonymous said...

I live in the same city as this guy. The infestation is everywhere.

This is also a perfect example of why you call the police immediately when you get in an accident.

los angeles cosmetic dentists said...

thank you for bringing up this i enjoyed reading.

by: florence

Issa@youwanttoberich.com said...

Crocs + escalator = danger to children. Happened to my daughter. Here's my post about it http://www.youwanttoberich.com/2009/07/06/crocs-its-true/

Anonymous said...

юный секс порно http://free-3x.com/ онлайн молодинькие free-3x.com/ видео онлайн училки [url=http://free-3x.com/]free-3x.com[/url]

Term Papers said...

I have been visiting various blogs for my Term Papers Writing research. I have found your blog to be quite useful. Keep updating your blog with valuable information... Regards