1. I will be part of an expedition to capture penguins and make them my friends. I believe that this will help me with my job search, as I will be able to provide niche coverage of penguin affairs.
2. Find a job.
It's going to be pretty exciting. I had toyed briefly with the idea of retiring straight out of university, but I've since taken a look at my finances and noted that I have massive debt. Four years of university worth of debt. But once I pay THAT off, I'm definitely retiring.
OK, I'm going to dip my hand into the old mail sack and try to pull out some amusing hatemail, because that is what passes for content on this site.
Hey, I found one. It's from "PR."
Look, you seriously need to get a life if your idea of living is to create an entire site to spread hatred about a pair of shoes you don't like, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. Fact is, Crocs aren't stupid. You are. They're an extremely clever design, and functionally, nothing even comes close to how good they are. Your only problem with them appears to be you don't like the way they look, and you're a fashion lemming. All that says is how shallow and immature you are. It says nothing about what's wrong with Crocs, but everything about what's wrong with you and others who hate Crocs just because of the way they look. You probably hate your mother just because she's fat. But you're certainly not smart enough to have created such a shoe 'cos if you were, you'd have been doing something more worthwhile in life.
Have a nice day. Asswipe!
The only comment I have in response to this email is that lemmings don't actually jump off cliffs en masse. That's a myth! But, did you know: in 1958, Disney was making a nature documentary and the team wanted footage of lemming suicide, so they just started herding them off the cliff themselves? True facts.
Moving on, we have another email. It's from Jeff Dunn. What a champion. Here's his email:
Whoever is is burning the Crocs I would assume is either in charge of this ridiculous website or a major supporter. Did you run to the mall and purchase the crocs that you hate so much and support the one company that is making the product that you despise. That would be hilarious. It would also make you hypocrites. I truly hate the pants that are so baggy that it looks like most of our youth did a big shit in their pants. It also looks very retarded and then to go with the pants these skinny little punks where shirts for a man who is 350-400 pounds. I am not about to set up a website claiming I want them off the face of the earth. There is probably one already. I will admit however that Crocs are not very pleasing to the eye, I thought they where stupid too until I tried on my brother's. I found them to be very comfortable. Now I use them as slippers at home. I wouldn't throw on a pair of jeans and head out the door with my Crocs on it looks lame. From want I see on this website is just another money racket. If you hate Crocs check out the store and buy my merch. If you really are serious about how much you hate this product, lets see more walk and less talk. Get yourself some explosives head to china (which is most likely where they are made) and blow that fucker up!! (the factory of course) That would really impress me. You can post the pics of that explosion on your website. Then you can shut this bad boy down. I guess everyone needs a hobby, mine is sitting in my living room with my Crocs on reading the comic books I collect.
Jeff, you could not be more wrong about me. Anyway, if you're reading this and you hate Crocs, check out the IHATECROCS store. You can buy some sweet t-shirts. And the shoes destroyed in the videos are knockoffs that we purchased for about five dollars.
Oh, my. I just came across a series of three emails from someone named Kirkham Stewart. The first email is nearly 2000 words. I haven't actually read the whole thing, obviously. But, I've skimmed it and I will attempt to give you the gist of it. It starts out talking about religion and then turns into what might be anti-semitic hate speech (I can't really tell) and then bizarrely turns into an email addressed to "roger Cohen in the new york times" and then it is addressed to Jewish people and then he addresses whoever crashed his website.
The second email from this Kirkham reads:
i just sent you an email about your issue with crocs. i challenge you to publish it immediately. for all your little world to see. and did you know about croc's philanthropy before you began to bugger them? what on earth have you got against them? do you Really care so much about what other people are wearing? do you own a shoe company? are you just anti-capitalist? do you hate philanthropists? or is it just a certain kind of philanthropist? when's the last time you gave seventy-thousand poor people something to wear, asshole? why don't you put your money where your BIG FAT MOUTH IS?
And then the third email reads:
Kate Leth i just visited her link too. and what a great contribution SHE's making to society! i suggest she learn to speak english if she insists upon sharing her little world of making up faces with the rest of the world. i wonder if anyone really cares. i pity them. maybe SHE TOO can find something better to do than to bring down great philanthropy and apply warpaint to these people's faces. and would you please explain what this madness is all about? and who fuckin' cares?
Kate Leth is, of course, the person who started this website with me. I don't really understand his criticisms. Anyhow, clearly our friend Kirkham has a few issues and we wish him the very best with all of that.
Finally, I have gotten two bizarre emails requesting link exchanges. One from a website that sells tungsten wedding rings, and another from a site that has something to do with ceiling fans. The reason why I found this bizarre was because... well... why would we link to tungsten wedding rings or ceiling fans? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I guess. And this time, it PAID OFF, guys. Here are your dang links: Tungsten wedding rings. Ceiling fans.
I hope that means I get a free tungsten ring.
Here are some other things I hate:
- The covers for YA novels.
- Kids today.
- People who talk during, or in any way distract from, a movie.
- Dan Brown.
- The following words and phrases: Silly, keener, guilty pleasure, alrighty, joshing, "fustrated", naughty, funky, snow bunny, wimpy, shared a chuckle.
Oh, ALSO, you can follow me on Twitter. @SavourTheSea. And if you're interested in content produced by me that has even less to do with Crocs than the content on this site does, check out Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.
You can get to the shop by clicking HERE.