Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I Hate Other Things, Too

I'm in my fourth year of my Bachelor of Journalism (Honours) program. I've been very busy working on my Honours Project. Come May 2010, I will graduate. I have big plans for after graduation.

1. I will be part of an expedition to capture penguins and make them my friends. I believe that this will help me with my job search, as I will be able to provide niche coverage of penguin affairs.

2. Find a job.


It's going to be pretty exciting. I had toyed briefly with the idea of retiring straight out of university, but I've since taken a look at my finances and noted that I have massive debt. Four years of university worth of debt. But once I pay THAT off, I'm definitely retiring.

OK, I'm going to dip my hand into the old mail sack and try to pull out some amusing hatemail, because that is what passes for content on this site.

Hey, I found one. It's from "PR."

Look, you seriously need to get a life if your idea of living is to create an entire site to spread hatred about a pair of shoes you don't like, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. Fact is, Crocs aren't stupid. You are. They're an extremely clever design, and functionally, nothing even comes close to how good they are. Your only problem with them appears to be you don't like the way they look, and you're a fashion lemming. All that says is how shallow and immature you are. It says nothing about what's wrong with Crocs, but everything about what's wrong with you and others who hate Crocs just because of the way they look. You probably hate your mother just because she's fat. But you're certainly not smart enough to have created such a shoe 'cos if you were, you'd have been doing something more worthwhile in life.

Have a nice day. Asswipe!


The only comment I have in response to this email is that lemmings don't actually jump off cliffs en masse. That's a myth! But, did you know: in 1958, Disney was making a nature documentary and the team wanted footage of lemming suicide, so they just started herding them off the cliff themselves? True facts.

Moving on, we have another email. It's from Jeff Dunn. What a champion. Here's his email:

Whoever is is burning the Crocs I would assume is either in charge of this ridiculous website or a major supporter. Did you run to the mall and purchase the crocs that you hate so much and support the one company that is making the product that you despise. That would be hilarious. It would also make you hypocrites. I truly hate the pants that are so baggy that it looks like most of our youth did a big shit in their pants. It also looks very retarded and then to go with the pants these skinny little punks where shirts for a man who is 350-400 pounds. I am not about to set up a website claiming I want them off the face of the earth. There is probably one already. I will admit however that Crocs are not very pleasing to the eye, I thought they where stupid too until I tried on my brother's. I found them to be very comfortable. Now I use them as slippers at home. I wouldn't throw on a pair of jeans and head out the door with my Crocs on it looks lame. From want I see on this website is just another money racket. If you hate Crocs check out the store and buy my merch. If you really are serious about how much you hate this product, lets see more walk and less talk. Get yourself some explosives head to china (which is most likely where they are made) and blow that fucker up!! (the factory of course) That would really impress me. You can post the pics of that explosion on your website. Then you can shut this bad boy down. I guess everyone needs a hobby, mine is sitting in my living room with my Crocs on reading the comic books I collect.

Laters

Jeff Dunn



Jeff, you could not be more wrong about me. Anyway, if you're reading this and you hate Crocs, check out the IHATECROCS store. You can buy some sweet t-shirts. And the shoes destroyed in the videos are knockoffs that we purchased for about five dollars.

Oh, my. I just came across a series of three emails from someone named Kirkham Stewart. The first email is nearly 2000 words. I haven't actually read the whole thing, obviously. But, I've skimmed it and I will attempt to give you the gist of it. It starts out talking about religion and then turns into what might be anti-semitic hate speech (I can't really tell) and then bizarrely turns into an email addressed to "roger Cohen in the new york times" and then it is addressed to Jewish people and then he addresses whoever crashed his website.

The second email from this Kirkham reads:

i just sent you an email about your issue with crocs. i challenge you to publish it immediately. for all your little world to see. and did you know about croc's philanthropy before you began to bugger them? what on earth have you got against them? do you Really care so much about what other people are wearing? do you own a shoe company? are you just anti-capitalist? do you hate philanthropists? or is it just a certain kind of philanthropist? when's the last time you gave seventy-thousand poor people something to wear, asshole? why don't you put your money where your BIG FAT MOUTH IS?


And then the third email reads:

Kate Leth i just visited her link too. and what a great contribution SHE's making to society! i suggest she learn to speak english if she insists upon sharing her little world of making up faces with the rest of the world. i wonder if anyone really cares. i pity them. maybe SHE TOO can find something better to do than to bring down great philanthropy and apply warpaint to these people's faces. and would you please explain what this madness is all about? and who fuckin' cares?


Kate Leth is, of course, the person who started this website with me. I don't really understand his criticisms. Anyhow, clearly our friend Kirkham has a few issues and we wish him the very best with all of that.

Finally, I have gotten two bizarre emails requesting link exchanges. One from a website that sells tungsten wedding rings, and another from a site that has something to do with ceiling fans. The reason why I found this bizarre was because... well... why would we link to tungsten wedding rings or ceiling fans? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I guess. And this time, it PAID OFF, guys. Here are your dang links: Tungsten wedding rings. Ceiling fans.

I hope that means I get a free tungsten ring.


Here are some other things I hate:

- The covers for YA novels.
- Kids today.
- People who talk during, or in any way distract from, a movie.
- Dan Brown.
- The following words and phrases: Silly, keener, guilty pleasure, alrighty, joshing, "fustrated", naughty, funky, snow bunny, wimpy, shared a chuckle.


Oh, ALSO, you can follow me on Twitter. @SavourTheSea. And if you're interested in content produced by me that has even less to do with Crocs than the content on this site does, check out Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.



You can get to the shop by clicking HERE.


34 comments:

Rnormfoto said...

unbelievably amusing - i don't even know where to begin, so i wont. I'll just say that the emails you're getting are a riot. You know you're doing something right if you garner such a response! Keep it up!!

Anonymous said...

I feeling cold here

Anonymous said...

i would like to say to the first email. That I hate crocs and I also hate my mum not because she is fat but because she abused me as a child.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Both the emails you've recieved and the responce you've given. I must admit that I too once hated crocs but now, regretably, I have been ocnverted to believe that they aren't THAT BAD. though still are the single most ugly shoe on the planet and always shall be.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Crocs are evil, keep up the good fight.

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the holister abolisher said...

Wow, it's like the people who email you think this is politacal or something. I mean, they take the time to complain about how you hate ugly shoes. They could be writing a letter to their legislater or something.

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Zentu said...

I'm with you people! DESTROY CROCS! Let's wipe them out the face of the Earth!

Hannah said...

I completely agree. Crocs just seem to have no point in life!! And they are sooo ugly!

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oh wheee said...

I realized how much of the society seems to feel that their own opinion is always just, right, and always okay to impose onto people. They seem to forget that people can voice their own opinion. But they constantly and incessantly try to rebut those that seems to go against their own opinion.

That's just stupid, immature, and half-assed. Particularly those that don't seem to be in any way constructive and simply shoot degrading, negative words of the english vocabulary to make themselves feel good. It's really just to boost their already low self esteem.

Anyrate, I feel that 'hate' is a strong word. I find crocs a little hard to match....and well, just not me. My 2 cents worth.

Have a good one.

Anonymous said...

my freaking god there just shoes....and to the haters hating on freaking shoes and go all mental about them....what the hell?

Custom t-shirts said...

Nice design buddy. These shirts are looking very stylish. Specially the green one is looking awesome. I like this shoe design.

Anonymous said...

I like that the people who are writing you all hate mail are putting way more effort into hating on your hate than you all did into hating on the shoe. (Yeah, that's an awkward sentence...)

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I have too many plans after completing my bachelor's degree in the computer sciences.

Anonymous said...

You're smart and a talented writer - I keep wondering if you're really the one writing these cleverly stupid 'emails' that you report on...

Anonymous said...

I see people wear them alot. The truth be known i had a pair and through them in the bin. They sucked

Kids Crocs said...

I also see many people wearing crocs. They say it is very cool to wear and affordable too.

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