In the meantime, we have everyone's favourite thing: HATEMAIL! Now with personal attacks!
This is from our good friend Jason Patrick:
Sorry, I just can't comprehend your blog or your personal fetish regarding Crocs. I'm happy to see their economic recovery and expansion succeed, since the global economy needs all the help it can get....but do you even have any clue at all regarding your complaints? Are you even remotely aware of the fact that the company has hundreds of different styles of shoes, and all but the basic model don't look anything like the particular model you appear to detest? The company makes very good-looking shoes for many people, including some more stylish women's shoes in particular; and employs a few thousand people globally - don't you think there are better things in this world to hate? I'm just curious what particular mental defect causes someone to spend this much energy attacking what other people choose to wear - exactly why is this SO offensive and upsetting for you? I'm sure you have plenty of mommy issues (or daddy issues) or whatever else, are you really going to spend your free time getting upset about other people's footwear? Good luck with the journalism career though, I certainly hope future employers don't chance upon your poorly written and even-more-poorly researched 'blog' during your job search.Dear Jason:
1. I find it odd that you are unable to comprehend this blog. It's a fairly simple concept. It is called 'I Hate Crocs' and it is for people who hate Crocs. Simple!
2. Oh, I see. You don't understand what we mean by 'Crocs.' That's fair enough. You're correct, that company does have many types of shoes. To specify, this website is against their ugly model. The luridly coloured Swiss cheese clog-footwear.
3. Further, I am unsure which part of this website you find 'poorly researched.' Near as I can tell, there's no real research involved. Jason, if you are interested in my journalistic work, which involves research and interviews, you can go to Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com.
4. Finally, just a nitpicky thing: you put the word 'blog' in quotes, as though questioning the legitimacy of this website's claim to be a blog. I find this odd. That's all.
We thank Jason truly, for taking the time to write.
Next, we have an email from Fergus Travers:
I seriously think you have a problem. I too think crocs are ugly as shit but I wear them indoors and around my land but I don't go as far as making a fucking website and selling shirts saying "they are to your eyes like second hand smoke is to your lungs". At least think of something better than that shit. You want to retire early... the group of people who created crocs can retire or probably have retired and are living in amazing houses and driving sweet cars, you are a very sad person and I do feel sorry for you and your friend who made this lump of shit of a site, you're obviously both rejected and turn towards hating crocs and selling fucked up t-shirts for money... I'm sorry but there is something wrong with you.
In any case, as a special treat, each of our hatemailers today (Both Fergus and Jason) will be getting $30 credits at BuyItRightHere.co.uk. Yes, they will get $30 off whatever they purchase on the website of our kindly sponsors.
BUT I know what you're saying. You're saying, 'Vincenzo, why do the hatemailers get rewarded with $30 credits at the awesome website that is sponsoring this post? We actually like your site and don't send you terrible hatemail. How dare you, Vincenzo? How dare you?'
Well, we've anticipated this reaction. We've got a $30 credit for everyone. Up to 100 of you, anyway. Just type in the following code when you order: 515IHATE
See? Easy. Also, you're probably wondering what that site sells. They sell Ugg Boots. And as far as I know, they are the only site on the internet that sells Ugg Boots.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Vincenzo, are you ENDORSING Ugg Boots?'
And to that, I would respond, 'No.'
But this is what Naomi at BuyItRightHere.co.uk had to say: "Fashion in my mind brings so much more to life if it can be therapeutic and healthy. Often comfort and fashion clash and we sacrifice our sanity to fit into the size 6 dress and live with the blisters from new heels."
And here is a list of things that Ugg Boots can probably do for you:
- Keep your feet dry
- Keep your feet wet (if you fill the boots with water before putting them on)
- Kill a Cornish game hen (if you throw the boot at the Cornish game hen)
- MUCH much more.
Act now. You have two weeks. And yes, that is a threat.
The preceding has been our first attempt at paid advertising. How'd we do?
Let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org