hatemail submission: accepted

Finally, some of you are following the hate mail submission guidelines. When the following came off the ticker tape machine, I was pretty pleased. There are vague threats! The subject line: 'You guys make me sick!' Check it out, guys.

Your distain for Crocs is one of the most appalling attempts at publicity I have ever seen!

I am a loving father of 4 all the way from New Zealand & my kids (+ my wife and I), think that crocs are the most comfortable and coolest shoes on the market. We used to all wear Teva sandals, but when the kids outgrew their last pairs it coincided with the release of Crocs in New Zealand. We all got bright red ones (except for my eldest boy - who opted for blue), and we have never received more positive comments from people in our lives!

How dare you offend my wife and children with you mindless insults! You say on your web site that crocs are 'ugly, foul-smelling and make everything feel hopeless and dank' - are you saying that my children are hopeless and dank? You guys are pathetic excuses for humans. I bet that your own miserable existences are the only reason you feel it necessary to bring other people down. Do you still lynch people where you come from from being 'different'? - because where I come from originality is embraced!

Get over yourselves, grow up and kill the website - because if my children feel even a hint of repercussions from your 'crusade' - it won't be just an email I'll be sending you!

Ian Straka

1. Appalling attempts at publicity? Do you guys have Paris Hilton in New Zealand?

2. The positive comments were probably tongue in cheek. You know, like, "HAHAHA. Oh man. Those shoes are NOT hideous. They did NOT make me vomit shortly before you arrived."

3. Yes, we are saying that your children are hopeless and dank. Someone had to say it.

4. You hit the nail on the head. We are pathetic excuses for human beings and our existences are miserable. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kate and I are going to play water polo in our Olympic-sized swimming pool. And make out under the bleachers.

5. Yes, you are very original. You and the millions of other people who own Crocs are very unique. The millions of you are real rebels. Unlike us conformists. With shoes that don't look ungodly stupid.

6. What will you be sending us? Is it a severed head? Is it a bomb? Is it candy? Flowers? The suspense is killing us.

Thanks for writing, Ian. That was fun. I like people who read the hatemail submission guidelines. They make emails more interesting.