The following bit of hate mail honestly filled me with utter joy. It follows the hate mail submission guidelines TO THE LETTER. Enjoy! I proclaim this the best hate mail of all time unless one you can top it. Yes, that is a challenge.
I am officially announcing the first hate mail contest! Send in the very finest hate mail you can muster, with the subject line 'hate mail contest submission' and you could win your very own TOP SECRET prize, mailed to you directly from IHATECROCS headquarters and made with love by yours truly and also Kate, the other half of this site.
Hating crocs is just like hating anything else, un-American! Mater of
fact, it might even make you racist. You should love your shoes of any
color if you were a real American. I am sure you really don't mean
that and this hatred is masking something far deeper.
You are probably just suffering from hillbillyosis. In your heart of
hearts, you despise when anyone makes you or your children wear shoes
of any sort. You feel anger when you see those signs "no shirt, no
shoes, no service". You wish that your grimy white trash children
could roam the trailer court in there bare feet as young ones were
meant to. You know that the health department is a partner in the plot
to force you to ignore your inner desires to playfully cavort sans
shoes with some silly rumor of spreading disease. Wearing shoes also
forces you to clip their toenails on at least an annual basis. Without
shoes, they would wear down naturally.
You are probably also suffering from a side psychosis resulting from
negative peer pressure in your brief education. Dropping out in the
third grade was no doubt the result of the constant heckling by the
cool kids in your school. You thought it was caused by your calloused
bare feet on your eight little sisters, but it probably was the
combination of bringing the pig to school and later Jimmy revealing
that it was your uncle's new girlfriend. His in class demonstration of
man / pig loving was probably too much for that citified teacher.
So in summary, as I know your attention span has been shortened by
severe malnutrition, get some therapy. Use a real therapist this time,
not stupid Bobby, as he will agree to anything and declare you healed
by snakes. With enough therapy, you too can wear crocs like the cool
kids.
WillI am officially announcing the first hate mail contest! Send in the very finest hate mail you can muster, with the subject line 'hate mail contest submission' and you could win your very own TOP SECRET prize, mailed to you directly from IHATECROCS headquarters and made with love by yours truly and also Kate, the other half of this site.
Hating crocs is just like hating anything else, un-American! Mater of
fact, it might even make you racist. You should love your shoes of any
color if you were a real American. I am sure you really don't mean
that and this hatred is masking something far deeper.
You are probably just suffering from hillbillyosis. In your heart of
hearts, you despise when anyone makes you or your children wear shoes
of any sort. You feel anger when you see those signs "no shirt, no
shoes, no service". You wish that your grimy white trash children
could roam the trailer court in there bare feet as young ones were
meant to. You know that the health department is a partner in the plot
to force you to ignore your inner desires to playfully cavort sans
shoes with some silly rumor of spreading disease. Wearing shoes also
forces you to clip their toenails on at least an annual basis. Without
shoes, they would wear down naturally.
You are probably also suffering from a side psychosis resulting from
negative peer pressure in your brief education. Dropping out in the
third grade was no doubt the result of the constant heckling by the
cool kids in your school. You thought it was caused by your calloused
bare feet on your eight little sisters, but it probably was the
combination of bringing the pig to school and later Jimmy revealing
that it was your uncle's new girlfriend. His in class demonstration of
man / pig loving was probably too much for that citified teacher.
So in summary, as I know your attention span has been shortened by
severe malnutrition, get some therapy. Use a real therapist this time,
not stupid Bobby, as he will agree to anything and declare you healed
by snakes. With enough therapy, you too can wear crocs like the cool
kids.
1. We're Canadian.
2. You're right about everything else.
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