hatemail submission: accepted

Finally, some of you are following the hate mail submission guidelines. When the following came off the ticker tape machine, I was pretty pleased. There are vague threats! The subject line: 'You guys make me sick!' Check it out, guys.

Your distain for Crocs is one of the most appalling attempts at publicity I have ever seen!

I am a loving father of 4 all the way from New Zealand & my kids (+ my wife and I), think that crocs are the most comfortable and coolest shoes on the market. We used to all wear Teva sandals, but when the kids outgrew their last pairs it coincided with the release of Crocs in New Zealand. We all got bright red ones (except for my eldest boy - who opted for blue), and we have never received more positive comments from people in our lives!

How dare you offend my wife and children with you mindless insults! You say on your web site that crocs are 'ugly, foul-smelling and make everything feel hopeless and dank' - are you saying that my children are hopeless and dank? You guys are pathetic excuses for humans. I bet that your own miserable existences are the only reason you feel it necessary to bring other people down. Do you still lynch people where you come from from being 'different'? - because where I come from originality is embraced!

Get over yourselves, grow up and kill the website - because if my children feel even a hint of repercussions from your 'crusade' - it won't be just an email I'll be sending you!

Ian Straka

1. Appalling attempts at publicity? Do you guys have Paris Hilton in New Zealand?

2. The positive comments were probably tongue in cheek. You know, like, "HAHAHA. Oh man. Those shoes are NOT hideous. They did NOT make me vomit shortly before you arrived."

3. Yes, we are saying that your children are hopeless and dank. Someone had to say it.

4. You hit the nail on the head. We are pathetic excuses for human beings and our existences are miserable. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kate and I are going to play water polo in our Olympic-sized swimming pool. And make out under the bleachers.

5. Yes, you are very original. You and the millions of other people who own Crocs are very unique. The millions of you are real rebels. Unlike us conformists. With shoes that don't look ungodly stupid.

6. What will you be sending us? Is it a severed head? Is it a bomb? Is it candy? Flowers? The suspense is killing us.

Thanks for writing, Ian. That was fun. I like people who read the hatemail submission guidelines. They make emails more interesting.

WARNING, INCOMING GAME

Sometimes people will write us and say, 'Hey, Vincenzo and Kate. How come you guys have no lives?' And you know, we have to take issue with that. We have lives! Kate is an art student and I am a journalism student. We work hard at school and also at our respective jobs. We have friends and families, just like all of you. We don't just hang out in the IHATECROCS offices all day, reading from the ticker tape and drawing funny things on the Post-It notes.

No, sometimes we like to take a break from the offices and take walks on the grounds of our estate, talking about old TV shows we used to watch. Like the Powerpuff Girls or Hey Arnold.

A few days ago, in fact, we were doing just that. We had just strolled past our horse enclosure when I mentioned the old TV show, ReBoot. It was about the 'people' that live inside your computer. They fought viruses and whenever the 'user' put in a game to play, the people would have to be the AI of your games. They had these circular things on their chests that they would tap twice and say 'REBOOT'. I suggested that we make those things into buttons, for other Canadians who remembered the show fondly and wanted to have a ReBooter on their chest to tap twice and say 'REBOOT'.

This is all just a round-about way of explaining why there are two new buttons available for purchase in the IHATECROCS shop that have nothing to do with hating Crocs. We're sorry if it blows your mind.

Here is a helpful link to the shop, if you want to check it out.

giblets and boring hatemail

A friend of the site, Danielle, recently emailed us to tell us that the woman who invented "Jibbitz" was on Oprah. Also, a lot of you have been emailing us urging us to call attention to them. For those of you who do not know what "Jibbitz" are, they are little things that people place in the holes of their Crocs to make them even uglier. The uglier they are, the better, I guess. I've been calling them 'giblets', which is apparently wrong. I guess giblets are little bits of turkey or something. I don't know.

Anyway, Jibbitz on Oprah. I didn't see it, but HERE IS HOW I IMAGINE IT WENT DOWN.

WOMAN: HAHAHA I INVENTED GIBLETZ.

OPRAH: HAHAHA FEELINGS.

WOMAN: I'M RICH.

OPRAH: BOOK CLUB.

WOMAN: HAHAHAHAHA.

OPRAH: HAHAHAHAHA.

HATEMAIL SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

Be creative about it, guys. Make it interesting for us. Don't just tell us you're not interested in our opinion and then immediately tell us yours. It's what we expect! Make personal attacks! It doesn't matter if you don't know anything about us! Make up traits in your mind and then attack them. We are getting sick of reading the same thing over and over.

Here is today's extremely boring hatemail:

Elisha says:
Like I care about your opinion. The fact that you waste your time on this is sad!

And here is something from Kirsty_xo (might not be her real name):
Crocs= Satan in the form of a shoe

So anyway! I saw this lady in town wearing red Crocs, I nearly had got a hernia they were frickin' disgusting!! Crocs have finally hit Northern Ireland! I knew this day would come I just didn't think it would be so soon!

So later that month a Croc stall opened outside the foot court in our shopping centre (mall to the Americans) and there were 4 people working there ALL WEARING CROCS!!! So i ran over threw a blue Croc boot on the ground and ran away scared in case they molested my feet with their ugly demonic rubber feet coverers.

I am done.