Thursday, June 28, 2007

Should anyone object to this union...

Weddings are stressful events. There's so much to do in such a short amount of time - catering, guest lists, reservations, dresses, family crises - that things can occasionally get out of hand. I think that everyone can agree on that. This is why I tried so very hard to try and understand what in the hell was going on with these obviously overwhelmed brides:


I mean, I get that maybe your uncle showed up after fifteen years and got drunk at the open bar, telling everyone about how you used to love to dance naked to Celine Dion when you were six. Maybe your stepmom criticized your dress by saying 'it would have looked so nice if you were just ten pounds thinner.' Maybe your shoes got run over by the limo, or broke on the cobblestone walkway up to the church, but I STILL can't comprehend this:

...And it's not just because of the Mickey Mouse ears, though they do confuse me. Here's one testimonial that is just so awfully misinformed... Well, you read it!

I love Crocs. They are the most comfortable shoes I have ever had. I thank my sister, the nurse, for getting me (and my whole family!) hooked. It has been said that all I ever wear is Crocs. This is pretty close to the truth. On my wedding day, I was wearing a nice pair of ivory Cayman Crocs that nicely matched my dress. People looked at me with envy because they knew just how comfortable I was. Keep the Crocs coming!

It's like my work is done for me.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I think you gives are pretty dumb.

Hello and good day, avengers. As you've read, Vincenzo has left for Italy/Africa for the next many weeks, so I'll be picking up the slack. After all, the war can't be waged by itself, can it? My guess is, no! So, speaking of wars, here are two particularly unfriendly e-mails from (for one reason or another) the same person, who asks us to make fun of her, and I can't help but oblige.
I think you gives are pretty dumb. You are NEVER going to, in a MILLION years, stop the Crocs craze. Sure there ugly. THEY LOOK LIKE CLOWN SHOES!!! But they are comfortable. And they can withstand a good hosedown. AND they are fungus-resistant. And anyone dumb enough to wear them on an escalator will pay the price. THIS SITE IS A WASTE OF TIME, EFFORT, AND INTERNET SPACE!!!! you should be ashamed, sapping people for their money. FOR YOURSELVE!!!!!!Go donate to Greenpeace. In the meantime, I think I will go hug a tree. You probably won't post this, but if you do, I just know you will make fun of me. BAH HUMBUG ON YOU!!!!
And then...

I hear you hate Crocs,huh?
WELL, I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION THAT BURNS THROUGH MY SOUL, WISHING TO KILL YOU ALL!!!! you freaks. You will never stop Crocs. Sure, they can be dangerous. Sure they're ugly. But apparantly 6MILLION+ people don't care. they are comfortable. They are washable. They are fungus resistant. Well, I AM YOU!!! RESISTANT. YOU ARE FIGHTING A LOST CAUSE!!!!
YOU MONEY hogging bimbos!!! GO DONATE TO A REAL CAUSE!!! while you do that, i will go hug a tree.
These lovely words are brought to you by Amber Roberson, who signs herself firstly as a 'tree-hugger' and secondly as a 'registered tree-hugger,' though I'm not sure how that relates to the hatred of plastic shoes. Personally, I'm a fan of 'YOURSELVE!!!!!!' and anyone brave enough to break that many etiquette laws at once.

Luckily, we also have people that are not only like-minded and obviously have hundreds of girlfriends, but type in a manner that doesn't incite rapid vomiting.
I hate crocs and I’ve never seen any footwear that’s uglier. I’d rather walk around with Christmas stockings on my feet. I truly was entertained by your website, even chuckled out loud a few times. I was also absolutely sickened from the depths of my bowels by the people who wrote you nasty emails—what idiots!!! Although it was cool that you posted the negative ones—I wonder if they realize how stupid they are when they read them over again? I bet they don’t. Anyway, I’ll be checking in, keep up the good work.
Thanks for your support, Greg!

Next update... Matrimonial Crocs?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

"The time has come," the walrus said.

I'm leaving for Italy, so this will be my last post for about six weeks. Kate will pick up the slack, I'm sure, so worry not. Truly. Don't fret.

First, we've got some emails. Dawn Webb had this to say:

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the danger of Crocs on your page.

My friend's 2 year old nephew just underwent hours of surgery to repair his foot. He was on an escalator at the airport with his parents and had on Crocs and they got caught on the escalator. Apparently this isn't that uncommon. It almost totally severed 3 of his middle toes.

We here at I Hate Crocs were sorry to hear about that. Though we have mentioned the dangers of Crocs in the past, we tend to steer away from it as severed toes don't tend to be funny and we are in the business of making people laugh. At least, we try. However, we will mention it again. Crocs sometimes sever toes, so watch out for that, those of you who still wear them. Dawn, thank you for writing us.

Julie de Chantal sent us this photograph of the fiends and their cohorts:

Next, we have some hate mail from lINDA SANTAGUIDO, a person whose shift key must be worn down to a nub:


Truthfully, I just wanted to prove her wrong by posting the comment. I'm petty like that. And yes, we do have more important things to do than worry about what shoes people are wearing. However, sometimes, we have leisure time and we like to make fun of stupid-looking shoes. Have you looked at them? They're really stupid-looking. It is hard to resist. They're such easy targets.

And now, some more hate mail, from the lovely Sue:

Really this has to be a joke. Was searching the web , looking for crocs and trying to decide if I should buy them. After seeing this site, I will go shopping today. The nerve to ask for donations! What kind of scam are you running? Where is the donated money going ( if people are foolish enough to donate). Wonder what the Attorney General would think of this? Try doing something useful, like collecting donations for children's relief funds or Aids or cancer research. Shame on all of you!!

I don't know which Attorney General you mean, but I doubt any of them would care. The donated money, t-shirt sale money and other such money goes toward our costs for running this site. The purpose of this website is to entertain. If we took in any more money than we spent to keep this site going, we'd consider donating the profits to a worthy charity. Also, good luck with your Crocs shopping. No offence, but you're kind of fickle. All it takes is for someone to hate something before you go out and buy it? You must spend a lot of money on Pussycat Dolls CDs. Thanks for writing.

Lastly, thank you to everyone who wrote us about this, the US President has been photographed in Crocs. If you are up on your current events, you'll know that President Bush is a moron, so this is really all the proof we need against Crocs. Also thank you to the radio DJ who interviewed me for Swiss radio a little while ago, as he mentioned this Bush in Crocs thing, as well.

Anyway, I'm off. If you are interested in where I am and what I'm doing, head over to Vincenzo Ravina Dot Com. There is a new button at the bottom that says, 'Where is Vincenzo?' and it leads you to the exact sort of information you'd expect to find. Where I am and what I'm up to. Maybe some video. So, check it out. There's not much there at the moment, but once I've actually started travelling, there'll be things to see, I promise.

Play nice, everyone.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Cloggens and Dopies

Good day to you, Croc-blockers.

We've got some things to show you that you might not be prepared for. As you may have noticed, we're not just opposed to Crocs. We're opposed to all of the knock-offs and look-alikes. They're all as hideous as the original and we are all for equal opportunity hatred. Also, I have mentioned that I am not a fan of Heelys, which are those shoes with the wheels in them.

However, two new shoes have been brought to our attention and boy howdy are they awful ugly. The first comes to us via our MySpace comments. Check out "Cloggens", or if you are squeamish, shield your eyes in abject horror:

And from our friends over at, the Dopie:

Draw your own conclusions.

Also, we've been mentioned in a national Italian newspaper, we're going to be in the Seattle Times at some point and I'm currently hammering out an appearance on Swiss radio.

I'll be in Italy, England and Africa between June 21 and July 28, so I'll either be posting my findings from there or just letting Kate take care of things.

ALSO: If you've been waiting to order something from the store, wait no more, because between June 1st and June 17th, Spreadshirt is offering free shipping (on orders over $15) when you use the coupon code FATHERSDAY07.