crocs stock plummets

It has come to our attention that Crocs stock has taken a significant decline. This is good news. Apparently this is because Maddox holds sway. HERE is the article he wrote about how much Crocs suck. Enjoy. That was a link at the beginning of that sentence, by the way. The all-caps word 'HERE'. That was a link.

An email from puddle-37108:

You website states, "According to THIS clip from the Daily Show, "If [someone is] wearing Crocs, they are soliciting incredibly depraved gay sex." The Daily Show is America's finest news source. You take it up with them."

Well, aside from having the opinion that the Daily Show and news source should never be used in the same sentence, I went to their website and searched their archives - nope, not one mention of Crocs anywhere. Unless you can substantiate your supposed quote you should remove it from your site.

My reply:

Dear puddle,

Thanks for writing.

Your email states, "I went to their website and searched their archives - nope, not one mention of Crocs anywhere." Boy, what a zinger.

Here's a thought: did you ever think about watching the video we LINKED? You know, by clicking on the all-caps word "this"? Wasn't subtle enough for you? Do you know how to use the Internet, at all? You figured out how to search the archive but not how to watch the clip? If you don't know how to use your computer, you should have it removed from your home.

I'll go over it slowly now. Remember when it said, "According to THIS clip from the Daily Show" on our website? That's your cue to read till the end of the sentence and then remember there was a link at the beginning of it. So then you clip on the link, right? But when you get to the Daily Show website, you don't search the archive! No. You WATCH THE VIDEO WE LINKED YOU TO. Give it a shot. Let me know if you need more help. I know how confusing the internet is.

Thanks for the email. Please never write us again.

-Vincenzo

I was annoyed that day.