Z-Coils

(Part of this post has been omitted due to a request from the person who wrote the email we posted. Sorry if the comments now make absolutely no sense whatsoever.)



Our good friend Ben sent us a note telling us about Z-Coil shoes, which are not exactly good looking. Well, I'll let him tell you about them:

Hey- I love your site. I hate crocs as much as any other freedom loving person, so I felt compelled to help. While the link I'm sending doesn't have crocs, it shows another type of equally heinous footwear.

http://www.zcoil.com/

I saw these shoes at the hospital I worked at a few years ago. I couldn't believe that people actually would buy them. The afternoon after the vendor came though, I saw several nurses running around in them.

I scanned back on your site a little ways and couldn't tell if you had already ripped into these. At least they don't have holes in them.

Good luck.

Ben

Thanks, Ben! And they're easy to make fun of, too. Look: Z-Coil makes us recoil. Effortless! And it rhymes!

Vincenzo is back

Hello again, everyone.

Vincenzo, here. I am back from Europe, which is where I have been for the past five weeks. I must say, Kate has been doing a really great job on the site in my absence. It truly is nice to be back at the manor after being away for so long. I missed the long hallways, the rows and rows of books in the library and the ticker tape machines pumping out our email.

And wow, we've had a lot of email. And a lot of media mentions. And interviews. Kate has been taking them on single-handedly, which just goes to show you what a trooper she is. And that hate mail that attacked how she looks and sounds? Goodness, I was shocked and appalled when I read that. As has been pointed out, that person's allegations were patently absurd.

In my travels, I saw Crocs in Venice, in Tunisia, in London and in all places in between. I talked to locals in Italy and they were shocked and disturbed to hear that in North America, people wear Crocs to the mall, to the movies, to the restaurants and to other such places. In a beautiful city like Venice, the last thing one needs to see is an ugly Croc. They don't belong near beautiful things.

So, keep up the good fight, readers. Wherever you are in the world, keep opposing those wretched "shoes". And if you have purchased a t-shirt or pin from our shop, send us a picture. We love to see our campaign in action.

From the cavern of illness

Greetings and well-wishings to you all. I hope you're feeling fine. At the moment, though it may be of little interest, I have a bad case of streptococcal pharyngitis. I am bedridden! Woebegone! Steeped in tragedy, as it were. Unfortunately, my condition is made no better by this atrocity:



I may not be an expert when it comes to biblical studies, but I'm fairly sure that this ad rather accurately represents the four horsemen of the apocalypse. If I can remember correctly, they are War (as Skechers fights for a piece of the Crocs pie... oh, get that taste out of my mouth), Pestilence (Crocs themselves, by definition), Famine (Ashlee Simpson), and Death (of Skecher's credibility, no doubt). Fear is upon me like never before.



There are just... No words. Who doesn't want to be seen wearing marble pink plastic mary-jane wannabes with little Shrek ornaments? The height of cool! I think I even see velcro! How chic!

...I'm going back to bed where it's safe.

It's Monday again

Good morning and good weekend, I hope! Today, I bring you this video, the result of my trolling youtube and having woken up too early for work:



Who is he? What does he do? Why so much Madonna? We may not have the answers, but damnit, do we respect him. We are ourselves outdone and can do little but salute his valiant (if a little disconcerting) efforts. Good work! We told you they burn.

We also got this rather unusual e-mail over the weekend that I was deep in the cavern of Harry Potter (my time: 12 hours):

How are you guys? I just had to say that your site makes me laugh. I really enjoy the humor in it all. It’s great to have something funny to read online, so thanks for that. While I’m not a fellow Croc hater, and actually ( *gasp* ) own a pair (it’s okay, they are at least beige and not bright funky pink) ..and a Croc pair of flip flops ( I know.. but I love them), I still enjoy reading your site. The t-shirts with the scissors totally cracked me up!! LOL I would love to buy one and then wear my Crocs at the same time! I would look a little confused if I did that, huh? Keep up the good work!

How bizarre! How unorthodox! How confusing! She likes the Crocs and the site? What manner of trickery is this? I hardly know what to say, much less to think. We appreciate your patronage and enthusiasm, of course, but you do own Crocs! Yes, they are beige, and the flip-flops are on the verge of acceptable, but... Oh, I think if I ponder it much longer, I'll do permanent damage. I think I'll decide that you're alright.

If only just to prove that her acceptance of our views denotes a finer understanding of things, I bring you a brief hate message:

Hi i would like to say they might be ugly but bye George they are comfortable and i ware mine all the time what is wrong with your heads they are very comfy and i love mine and id get another pair

I just... It speaks for itself, really.

Go well and stay well!

Because you asked so kindly

Two little issues I thought I'd address before I'm off in bookland for the weekend:



GOT YOUR ATTENTION NOW! ...I'm so sorry.

Q: How can you buy Crocs for the videos/pictures? Isn't that just supporting the company you've worked so hard and so wittily to undermine? Hypocrites!

A: Calm down, you. The Crocs we use in the videos are, of course, not brand name. Neither Vincenzo or I has ever given a penny to the company, so you can rest easy knowing that we are not hideous liars. We buy them at the dollar store, usually. Terrible, cheap imitations of terrible, overpriced shoes. They are, in a way, effigies. We get the point across visually without supporting Crocs. That's how it is!

Q: Why do you put so much of your time into such a negative, useless effort? You update this blog a lot (recently), don't you have anything better to do?

A: Not really, I'm unemployed. Cue laughter. Ha. No, really, I maybe put more time and effort into this than I reasonably should, for a website with only one subject matter, but think of it this way. How many times a day does Perez Hilton update? What about Go Fug Yourself, or WWTDD? Those sites are mean-spirited and exist only to mock people, whereas we're a little more light-hearted and not targeting any one person. We're targeting a shoe.

And hey, if you'll forgive me for starting a sentence with 'and,' I spent four hours yesterday watching the X-Files. I'll spend the next 24 reading Harry Potter. This site takes fifteen minutes to update. Go about your business, haters. To the rest of you, I do so greatly appreciate your kind words and witticisms. You're clever.

PS: To the commenters on the videos, I'm not goth! I was in bad lighting! I have a tattoo of a cupcake, for goodness' sake. Harumph.

PPS: That X-Files/Harry Potter reference really didn't make me seem cool, did it? Oh well. Have a sexy weekend. Get a pedicure.

PPPS: I really love Go Fug Yourself. That site has great writing.

End-of-the-week SCARES!

Good evening, morning or afternoon, soldiers. Did you just click to this page? Have you just arrived? If you're like me and the first thing you look at when a site loads is the shiny pictures, I'm sorry. I'll try and help you clean up. I didn't mean to induce all that vomiting, but I've gotten so much mail lately about the only foot fashion crime that can even come close to Crocs, I had to show it. You understand, don't you? You forgive me? Baby?



I hear your cries. I hear your screams and wails. You say, "why, Kate? Why would you show us that? Our fragile eyes have been already so battered by Crocs! Why this? Why now? Don't you know about my heart condition?" I'm so sorry, I forget sometimes. You understand how it is.

We've all done it, I know. Maybe while on vacation, maybe during a particularly disorienting life change, maybe in the long-forgotten summers of our youth, playing hide-and-go-seek in the apple orchards by the vicarage. I'm speaking of course of the Socks and Sandals phenomenon, which is also the lesser known Eighth Deadly Sin. Like many of the other sins, at one point or another, we've committed it. We acknowledge it, we live with the distant memory of it, but we try oh so very hard to forget it ever happened. Socks and Sandals, you've been mentioned, and you are almost as bad as Socks and Crocs, the more popular Ninth Deadly Sin. Now we can let you rest.

Speaking of...

[In case of weak stomach, pregnancy, heart conditions (I know!), loose grip of sanity or insomnia, turn away now!]

...

...



KEEP IT DOWN THE NEIGHBORS CAN HEAR YOU SCREAMING! It's going to be okay! Hush now! They can't hurt you, they're in the computer. Hey? Baby? Everything's gonna be alright. Rockabye.

ADDENDUM:

Celebrities wearing Crocs. Scream! Cry! Rosie O'Donnell! They're all synonyms!

...Anyway, champions of glory, I'm a huge dork and Harry Potter comes out tomorrow night so I probably won't be posting tomorrow or Saturday unless I come up for air. You're all glorious. Don't you forget it.

Like the tide

Things are changing around here, at least for the time being. As you'll see, we now have a "comments" option, which we didn't before, because, well, nobody was commenting. But you are, my darlings, and we love to hear your pretty voices singing us pretty songs.

Also, the e-mail's been flooded! Much moreso than usual! Here are some people that like us:

I stumbled across your site when I was looking up some information for a blog entry about crocs. I really don't like crocs, so was delighted to find your site and a group of people with the same opinion!

Thanks! You're swell. We've been getting a lot like that (or I have... is it a royal we?) and it's a nice change from the death threats. Here's a long one, but I like her style.

I work in the medical field. We're already forced to wear freakish looking scrubs on a dail basis. Not surprising many of my co workers get drawn to crocs. It's the only foot wear that is as hideous and bizarre as scrub patterns and styles.

I'll admit it, I was at one time tempted to wear a pair of crocs to work. Hell, I'm already dressed like a clown I might as well have comfortable shoes... and it's not like I'll stand out with every one around me dressed just as freakishly.

There was just one tiny little problem... crocs don't fit my feet. I'm guessing they were made the same way scrubs were, laboring under the assumption that all medical professionals are short, and fat. I'm not short or fat, and neither are my feet! If a croc is long enough to fit my foot, it's uncomfortably wide. If a croc fits my feet properly width wise it's so short my toes are scrunched.

These hideous shoes seem to be made for people with square feet. That gets me wondering if there is a direct correlation between square feet and lack of fashion sense.

I'm the only one in the hospital that isn't wearing crocs. Which is just as well, the damned scrub pants are so baggy since I'm not wearing electric pink boats for shoes you can see my feet any way.

You doll. Of course, there are some people sitting on the fence, so to speak...

I pretty much agree with everything you have said. Crocs are hideous and whatnot. But............... that kate chic is really ugly. she is all pasty white *she could REALLY use a tan*. and her hair is just flat out bad. combining her ugly hair and her pasty skin... OMG! its just horrible. and her voice eww! almost as sick as crocs are ugly. it just droans on and on and sounds like a man.

Well, heck! I can't argue with that logic. I'm sorry I made you OMG!, I really didn't intend to. I'm not sure why you felt the need to send that mail to me since, you know, I'm the one that runs the site. Or Vincenzo, who I have a feeling would disagree. There are better pictures of me online, I swear.

It's technically Thursday now and I should really go to bed because I have to work tomorrow morning at a SHOE STORE. That's right. The only one in the mall that doesn't sell Crocs. Victory!

Click the links there are SURPRISES

Let's get embarrassed!

I think I make fun of people often enough that it's almost required of me to post this photo:



Which appeared in that newspaper I mentioned last night, The Daily News. I think maybe the article makes me sound a bit angrier than I am in person, but just a bit. It was fun to do. That's my blender, see? Isn't it nice? It's Hamilton Beach, and let me tell you how good the margaritas are, oh boy.

Was that a product placement? I don't think so. Anyway, go about your day. I feel like I may have to post again later due to the sheer volume of visitors! It's ca-razy! You'd better believe Vincenzo is jealous, all far away in London. Pssh... London.

Media buzz, holy hellcats

I'm sure there are several dozen blogging rules against posting so often at night, but here in the manor, things are done differently.

Today I was interviewed by both CBC radio and a local paper, the Daily News. They were first interviews in person, as it's usually people from the States or far away lands that like to contact us via telephone. I'm anticipating being regarded poorly by the moms of our fair city for the next couple of days, if the story runs.

All of this attention is (I'm assuming) due to our mention in the New York Times. It's very bizarre, I must say. Today we were mentioned in an article on Slate.com, with this charming image:



I'm that guy's expression, the one on the right. Is that right? I get my directions confused since the war. Don't ask me to try and tell eggs from light switches either, oh boy.

At any rate, I'm pretty beat from all this unexpected interest, so here are just a few of the many kind words we've received today:

Your website is an absolute delight. Sometimes I find it hard to believe there is anyone else who hates crocs more than myself, but alas, I have found one. Thanks for the website & please continue berating this truly heinous looking foot attire.

And:

Hello! I was drawn to your website after reading the article the NYTimes. Coincidentally, my husband, sister and I happened to be sitting around the other day musing about how stupid and ugly Crocs are. So I was pleasantly surprised to learn that we're not the only 3 people in America who refuse to wear them.

Anyway, while reading your blog (specifically the comment by the misguided Amber Roberson who implies that 6 million people can't be wrong), I thought of a quote I once read in the Wall Street Journal (I'm not sure who actually coined this phrase, and I'm probably paraphrasing): If sixty million people believe in a dumb idea, it doesn't mean it's not a dumb idea.

Oh, Amber. You crazy kid! She's e-mailed us since then with more angry messages, but they're less entertaining, so I haven't posted them. Sorry, Amber, but if you're going to be irate, at least make some more spelling mistakes. I'm pretty sure you didn't use enough exclamation marks. Next time, hey? Keep huggin' those trees. You're alright.

More tomorrow, probably, but for now I have several dozen episodes of the X-Files to catch up on, as well as finishing up with that partridge-breeding disaster in the lounge. Carry on, my wayward sons.

Popularity

Boy howdy is it too late too be posting this, but we were in the New York Times today!

Interim

Good evening or possibly morning, readers. How long has it been since I've updated? Too long? You're absolutely right. I recently came into unexpected unemployment, so I've been out on the job hunt instead of the laptop! I do come bearing good news, however; the Tall Ships Festival, currently happening on the waterfront of Halifax (that's where we live!), which is a HUGE tourist attraction, has no Crocs booth this year! It's probably the biggest draw of the summer, aside from the Busker festival, and I must say that the threat has lessened slightly since last year. Good work, Halifax! I tip my hat in your general direction.



Look! Look at all that proper footwear! It warms the heart.

Also warming my cold, cold heart is Jessica, who forwarded us the most horrifying Crocs testimonial I've ever seen, read or heard. If you wear Crocs, my good people, this is the type you are associating with:

"I love my crocs !! I have 5 pairs of the original beach style. Recently my employer told me i couldnt wear them anymore because they do not have backs!!I wanted to cry i went online found the islanders bought them and i love them even more if thats possible !! As soon as i can afford to buy the islanders in every color i will !! I cannot take them off my feet they are truly the most comfortable shoe i have ever worn!!!THEY ARE MORE THAN WORTH THE BONE OF CONTENTION WITH MY EMPLOYER. I am a 16 year veteran employee with the home depot and i cant believe my shoes have caused such controversy!!!!THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU"

That was sent into the actual company. This is not a parody.

NOW YOU TRULY KNOW FEAR. Also, the term 'bone of contention,' which I'll admit to never before hearing.

Stay vigilant, my darlings. We might be in the New York Times tomorrow.

Extreme measures

Today, we received this message from the mysteriously named Gem R:

I had a girlfriend, for two years. She was great and funny and cute and yadda yadda... but then one day, about 2 months ago, we walked past a shop window selling crocs.

"Oh, honey, I'd quite like some Crocs. Apparently they're really comfortable."

To which I replied with a long silence.

Needless to say, a month later, I got a new girlfriend. She's into converse, but I think I can deal with that.

We here at I Hate Crocs of course don't advocate the breaking of hearts, but we can't entirely blame you, Gem. You did right. You've prevented yourself from having to endure a lifetime of waking up next to someone who wears Crocs. We all know what happens when Crocs get girls at a young age, Gem. First, she starts buying shirts to match. Then she gets accessories. Then she buys quilted vests, gets a bad haircut and starts wearing Mom Jeans. You don't want that. You got out just in time.

As a side note, we at I Hate Crocs are very fond of our Converse Chuck Taylors! We are college students, after all. However, they're not safe from making your feet look ridiculous...



Or ridiculously AWESOME...? Still, a preferable choice.

I must admit that while keeping the site updated in Vincenzo's absence, I haven't been as thorough as he usually is. I counted on him to keep track of our mentions, links and love letters, but now I'm having to do it myself! What frightens me the most is having to keep track of our mortal foes, the Crocs Fans. I visited their most popular website today and found myself cringing in horror and the Crocs promotional videos they had posted. I wept at their distressing photos of children in rubber death traps. I cried out in horror at their blatant lack of common sense. Why, oh why, does this have to happen?



I was thrilled at first to see it, hoping that someone had relinquished their shameful shoes and decided to set them out to sea, but unfortunately it was just some yahoo floating his shoes in a pool. I died a little inside.

Luckily, some people still have common sense, like this North Andover public school that has banned Crocs for safety (and, assumedly, aesthetic) reasons. Good work!

We also got a little note from Belinda, who says:

Hi, my name is Belinda and I wear Crocs. I even put my childrens' feet in Crocs. After seeing a picture of W in Crocs, I'm re-thinking my position. Especially since he was wearing socks. My older daughter is a fan of "socks 'n Crocs," too, but I certainly don't want her to grow up to be like George Bush!

Whatever reason you can think of, Belinda, we stand behind your decision.