Cloggens and Dopies

Good day to you, Croc-blockers.

We've got some things to show you that you might not be prepared for. As you may have noticed, we're not just opposed to Crocs. We're opposed to all of the knock-offs and look-alikes. They're all as hideous as the original and we are all for equal opportunity hatred. Also, I have mentioned that I am not a fan of Heelys, which are those shoes with the wheels in them.

However, two new shoes have been brought to our attention and boy howdy are they awful ugly. The first comes to us via our MySpace comments. Check out "Cloggens", or if you are squeamish, shield your eyes in abject horror:

And from our friends over at FreshTrend.com, the Dopie:


Draw your own conclusions.

Also, we've been mentioned in a national Italian newspaper, we're going to be in the Seattle Times at some point and I'm currently hammering out an appearance on Swiss radio.

I'll be in Italy, England and Africa between June 21 and July 28, so I'll either be posting my findings from there or just letting Kate take care of things.

ALSO: If you've been waiting to order something from the store, wait no more, because between June 1st and June 17th, Spreadshirt is offering free shipping (on orders over $15) when you use the coupon code FATHERSDAY07.

I Hate Crocs mentioned in Maclean's magazine

Very few things cause my eyes to widen and subsequently my monocle to drop and subsequently my brandy to be expelled from my mouth violently, but these three things happened in quick succession very recently. But what could elicit these alarming responses?

In the library, yesterday, Kate was reading through issues of all of the latest major newsmagazines, whilst I sat amidst the books with authors whose surnames began with M and flipped through a copy of Life of Pi, which is quite a nice little book and the best Canadian novel I've read. Kate, truly out of character, broke the silence and solitude of the library with the great bellow, "HEY HEY HEY OUR SITE IS IN MACLEAN'S!" Naturally my monocle fell to the ground and was followed by showers of brandy.

I started and stumbled and scampered toward Kate and she pointed to a paragraph on page 42 that said:

In addition to the hospital bans, there are other signs of a Crocs backlash. Ihatecrocsblog.blogspot.com has made its mission "eliminating Crocs and those who think that their excuses for wearing them are viable." A recent post stresses the impending resurgence of summertime Crocs: "Like cockroaches crawling out from beneath the ruin of the apocalypse, Crocs are back." Videos on YouTube demonstrate similar disdain for the shoes.

We here at I HATE CROCS DOT COM are very pleased to have been mentioned in such a lovely publication. Maclean's is like Canada's equivalent of Time magazine, for those of you not in the know. Readers of Maclean's, thank you for visiting us. Please email us with your crepe recipes! In Canada, crepes are the new ice cream. You can't get ice cream anymore. It is all about crepes, now. Our three children, Violet, Xerxes and Zooey cry and cry for the crepes long into the night, their shrieking reverberating through the halls. Sleep does not come easy. The crepes are so delicious.

We apologize in advance to the legitimately unstable.

Hello again, vigilantes. I'd like to (or rather, feel that I must) share with you a recent horrifying experience. Vincenzo and I, on our way home from the Groceries Shoppe, sat to wait for the bus (our horse-drawn carriage was in the Mechanic's Shoppe). It was a fine day and the sun was shining as we sat with bags of nourishment, until she came along.

A woman, altogether frightening and loud, came to us and decided that we wanted to talk to her. She wandered about feverishly. She babbled incoherently. In short, she was at least somewhat unstable. We couldn't figure out what to do until we saw her feet:



It was true. It was awful. It was real. It was trapped next to us in a four-foot glass cube. This foam-footed crazy was upon us and we were blinded with fear and rage for at least seven minutes. Luckily, the bus came and, upon realizing that she did not want to take the bus, she wandered away. Did she know? Was she sent?

All we know is... It's getting to their minds. We can only hope that in removing her shoes, she can some day regain her sanity.

Time to clear out the old email box

Well, the emails have been piling up. Ticker tapes spills out all over the floor, snaking this way and that. We can scarcely find the beginning of the tape in the confusion. Thus, I think it is a good idea for me to post some emails.

Firstly, our good friend Kai sent us a link to article about Crocs being banned in Sweden. HERE it is.

Secondly, we got an email from our other close, personal friend, McKinley Gillespie:

Hi, I'm a student from Auburn University and I've recently adopted our chapter of the Facebook group, "Just Say No To Crocs." I've put a link to your website in the "Homepage" section, because I think that what you're doing is wonderful. A dangerous notion seems to be spreading; people are beginning to think that Crocs are fading away. What they don't realize is that summer is just around the corner, marking the one-year anniversary of the Croc Regime's dramatic and unexpected rise -- who's to say that in one month's time they won't be recklessly roaming the streets of our nation once more? Those hideous things blew up (though unfortunately not literally) last summer, and my keen instincts tell me that they're going to do it again. Revolutionaries like us need to work together to keep the word spreading. Che Guevara; Nelson Mandela; the Dalai Lama; Rosa Parks; the Google Guys; none of them were afraid to be remarkable or to instill a profound change upon the face of the world. One day, we'll go down in history with them. In the great words of that wise Ancient Grecian, Aesop, "United we stand; divided we fall. Oh, and fuck Crocs."

Thirdly, from my best friend, Megan Ashcraft:

Y'all do realize you're just giving Crocs free word-of-mouth advertising right? Anything that creates a buzz about their product will eventually end up benefiting them. From what I have read on your blog, I have seen no convincing reasons not to purchase a pair of Crocs. In fact, knowing that somewhere out there, my purchase is irking the hell out of some uptight person who thinks they have a right to dictate what I wear, actually makes me want to buy them more. You know, the whole foods store around the corner from me sells these things. I think I'll go buy a pair right now.

Fourthly, from my four wives and brother, Alex, Ana, Elana, Lindsay and Robert:

I recently discovered your site and I must say what you do is a veritable social service. You should recieve federal funding for educating the public. Anyway, Oberlin College is located in Oberlin Ohio, just outside of Cleveland. It is a hotbed for radical leftist politics, gender neutral bathrooms, streaking, veganism...and crocs. Now that the sun is out, so are the crocs. So some of my friends and I went crocs hunting this weekend! I have attached a sampling of the Oberlin crocs.
And lastly, our adopted child, Jesse Tarlton made us this picture in Illustrator:

I Hate Crocs Dot Com in the news

I was recently interviewed for an article on Crocs and it ran in the St. Petersburg Times today. It has a strong anti-Crocs slant!

Crocs.

You know them. You love them. Or, you hate them with a passion that burns from the darkest corner of your soul.

"They offend our eyes and bamboozle our friends," said Vincenzo Ravina, a 19-year-old from Nova Scotia who started the Web site ihatecrocs.com with his girlfriend. "Croc-wearers are kind of like cultists."

...

Ravina, whose Web site includes footage of a solemn Croc burning in a field, doesn't buy the comfort line.

"Bathrobes are comfortable. I don't wear my bathrobe to the grocery store. And on a really hot day, you don't see me running around with no clothes on at all, though I'm sure that would be comfortable. Crocs are the same thing."

CLICK HERE for the full article!

Crocs are dangerous

Kate and I, we try to stay on the lighter side of things. We hate Crocs, as you may know, and cutting them up and blowing them up with fireworks are things that we find funny. The hatemail we get is funny. But you know what is not funny? People getting their feet chewed up by escalators as a result of Crocs.

I've recently come across this blog that was tracking media mention of Croc accidents and it is truly horrifying! There are some not so pleasant pictures at the following link, so don't click if you want to avoid such photographs. HERE is the link.

***

In other news, we've been mentioned all over the place. Here, here, here, here, here, here and here. All over town.

Cuttin' Crocs

Well, we told you we'd be doing plenty of work once summer began and we've already got a new video for you. Yes, we shot it just yesterday, when we found our camera hidden behind some books in our library. It is so big, we frequently lose things in it. Anyway, the video consists of Kate doing some arts and crafts featuring scissors and a pair of yellow Crocs. We hope you like it and we also hope you will like the next few videos we have planned.



Get the word out, Croc-Blockers. Our time is nigh!

A plague of biblical proportions.

With the warmer weather becoming more and more apparent in our corner of the globe, Vincenzo has been urging me out of the dark, cavernous recesses of the manor. Summer is upon us at last, and he can no longer do it alone. The menace is back, with a vengeance.



Just when we had begun to hope that the ravages of cold and time would put to rest this ungodly fad, they get corporate sponsorship. I was absolutely horrified today, upon visiting the local Shoppe-Mall to pick up some food for the horses, to find Crocs with Mickey-Mouse stamped holes in them. You, too, can have a conglomerate icon sunburnt onto your feet. The horror!

Not only that, but I saw them in nearly every store. I saw imitations in stores catered to children too young to fight back. I saw knock-offs in shoe stores, racks upon racks towering over unsuspecting customers. Like cockroaches crawling out from beneath the ruin of the apocalypse, Crocs are back, and the slaughter of acceptable footwear must be stemmed.

It's time to step up and fight. Summer is here.

Peter Barlow from Coronation Street says no to Crocs - so can you!

The weather is getting warmer and warmer. Yesterday, I didn't wear my jacket and instead of taking our heated, chauffeured car to town, Kate and I walked. It was very pleasant, though we both know that with the new warmth, Crocs have returned.

Emails frequently bring us hope, however, as the following did, from our friend Andy:

Hello I hate Crocs,

A friend of mine recently visited my house.

We were mid chat when i was distracted by his stupid fucking footwear. Having never seen a pair of 'Crocs' before i enquired as to whether or not he had a foot problem and these were some form of orthapedic shoe, either that or he was into some bizarre foot fetish. This person is a British celebrity, known for his role as Peter Barlow in Britains longest running soap opera, 'Coronation Street'

Chris Gascoyne (AKA Peter Barlow) has now admitted that they do indeed look fucking ridiculous, are uncomfortable and to his credit he has now said he wont be wearing them again as they are rubbing the skin off of his feet. He has just left my house, bright red and promised to put the crocs in the bin, (i for one would never be seen in public with him wearing these awful monstrosities)

april is the cruelest month

April is the cruelest month, bringing Crocs back into the daylight from their winter storage places. Yes, with the weather warming up (at least, it is here) Crocs will be back out offending our eyes in no time. We've had it easy over the winter, but now it's time to get your game face on. They're back and they must be stopped.

Kate and I have plans for the summer. First of all, we're going to be making a few more videos of Crocs destruction (finally!). Secondly, we'll have one or two more Crocs-related t-shirt designs in the shoppe. Thirdly, we're going to expand the East wing of the manor.

So, keep your eyes peeled.

In Crocs news, Holed Crocs have been banned from hospital in Rapid City, South Dakota because of health risks.

Also, hide your children because Crocs have come up with a brand new hideous shoe called 'Croclings'. Yeah. Don't vomit too much.




Here is some email from our friend Dorrie Hall, who felt the need to email us three times:

Bah . . . fools that you are. It is said that you can tell a lot about a person by the footwear they choose. My crusty old granny likes the cloth wedge type shoe with her gnarly toes poking out the front confronting the world in a most unattractive way. My uptight Auntie digs the animal skin shoe that has, over the decades, molded her feet to look like Polish sausages. My husband chooses his footwear from the latest SuperStarBasketballHero commercials . . . O' don't worry, the blisters always heal. On the other hand, I enjoy being barefoot and free - hence my affection for the CROC. The assorted colors are a plus, allowing me to chose the color that most agrees with my mood. Today I am Cotton Candy Pink. What color are you? O' sorry they don't make CROCS in . . . Puce.

Puce

English usage dates from 1787. [from the French puce, literally "flea". It is speculated that it refers to the colour of a squashed flea or the colour of a flea full of blood. Another theory is that the colour name comes from the flea's droppings of digested blood, which spread out in deep red stain when water contacts them.

Prunes, which are dried plums, can also be said to be puce coloured.

Thanks for the tip, Dorrie. She went on to say:

don't you have anything better to occupy your time?

This is stupid.

Please bear in mind that we had not responded to her email. Apparently she has nothing better to occupy her time. She wrote a third email:

I get it now . . .

You must be part of that groovy crew that is casting their vote for Sanjaya on American Idol.

Very hip. NOT

Don't worry, everyone. Kate and I get a lot of email from crazy people. At this point, we are mostly used to it.

Lastly, our good friend Courtney has sent us some pictures of Crocs in their natural habitat. Look at them and learn. These are the things we are trying to rid ourselves of.

croc blocking

Good news, everyone. When you Google the word 'Crocs', I HATE CROCS DOT COM comes up as the seventh result. That's fantastic! We're really getting the word out! Kate and I had no idea that we had risen so far until I cruised on over to our Evil Twin site, CROC FANS DOT COM. They are the antagonist and we are the protagonist. Remember that.

Anyway, the following is what they posted over on their site:

Do you love your Crocs? Do you wish others can share in your joy of the comfort Crocs bring? If so, we need your help.

Did you know when you Google “Crocs” Croc Fans . com comes up #9? This is great, but what you may not know is that IHateCrocs.com comes up #7.

This site is devoted eliminating Crocs and have gone as far as recording themselves setting a pair of Crocs on fire. They are even selling t-shirts to try and get their Croc hater message out.

I am doing what I can to promote Crocs and spread the message about these shoes that we love, but I need your help. We need to get CrocFans.com ranking higher than IHateCrocs.com so we can show people there are more Fans than Haters.

What can you do?

Link to Croc Fans . com from your Blogs, MySpace, FaceBook, Blogger Blog, hi5, Xanga, Digg, Technorati and any other website or account you may have.

...

With your help we will burry IHateCrocs.com and rule the world. Ok maybe ruling the world is going a little far, but it will be fun to see what you guys are able to do with a little challenge.

Thanks and we look forward to gaining more Croc Fans with your help! Email us at Crocs@CrocFans.com if you post a link on your site so we can thank you.

As you can see, they are getting more desperate and less competent with the English language as time goes on. We will not let them "burry" us. Whatever the hell that means. We, on the other hand, will take the high road and not encourage you to spam the internet because that would be kind of pathetic of us and also anger Google. They totally hate it when you try and exploit their PageRank system.

heelys, solution and norway

I don't know about you guys, but in addition to hating Crocs, I also hate those shoes that have wheels in them. They're called Heelys and I am always seeing children rolling around in them. I, of course, turn to my children (Xerxes, Zooey and Violet) and tell them firmly that just as they will never wear a pair of Crocs, their feet shall never been tainted by the horrors of a Heely, either. Each of them nod in turn and then I buy them each a small toy of their choosing from the local toy shoppe.

Anyway, back on topic, Kate pulled the following off the ticker tape machine:

Hey fellow croc-haters.

This is Andrew from Cape Town, South Africa. Sadly the terrible demise of brain capacity is beginning here as well. Alas the dreaded crocs have begun the infestation of my beautiful country, all is lost. The once beautiful vistas of Cape Town are now ruined by hundreds of revolting, coloured and nauseating excuses for footwear. The rot must be stopped, if the crocs have reached even here then there is, I guess, not much hope left for humanity. I always thought that Africa would be spared this plague, however it seems there is now one more addition to this continent’s long list of problems: war, death, famine, pestilence and the croc.

Let us not despair too much; the anti-croc resistance has started here now too. I have come up with the final solution. We must be strong and merciless, none can stand in the way of this blessed crusade. All of us haters of the croc must cleanse the streets of this multi-coloured plague. All wearers of the croc must be rounded up, forced to hand over their footwear and sent to remote reeducation camps where their degenerate attitudes can be changed to more normal and socially responsible ones. The offensive footwear must be treated in a similar manner of nuclear waste (they probably have a longer effective half life than plutonium anyway) that is, they should be encased in concrete and either recycled to more useful applications like pencil erasers or buried underground so that no one can look upon their kind again. The inventors of the croc must be sent to the world court to stand for crimes against humanity. We must protect future generations from this scourge. Tomorrow will thank us.

Thanks for all the hard work and long hours spend creating this much needed forum against crocs in all their bestial and hideous forms.

Remember, we here at IHATECROCS don't condone or endorse any final solutions. We believe in peaceful negotiations and protest.

We also have gotten word that Crocs have been banned from a hospital in Norway. Or, rather, that is what the person who emailed us the link said. We can't actually read the article, as we do not speak Norwegian. However, many of you who visit our site are from Norway, so chances are that you will be able to enjoy this article as we cannot.

It is HERE.

Email us tips on hunting wild game at IHATECROCS [at] GMAIL [dot] COM.

cite it

Well, here we go again with a new product in the shoppe that is entirely unrelated to Crocs. Sorry. Maybe you'll like it, anyway, though. It is something that Kate said, which caused me to say, "THAT HAS TO BE ON A SHIRT." And Kate told me to stop yelling, because we were in our private library and I'm supposed to use my library voice in there.

Anyway, we have man and lady shirts with words on the chest. The words are 'Stick that up your essay and cite it.'

Here is a helpful link to the store.

Email us your thoughts HERE.

hate mail contest

The following bit of hate mail honestly filled me with utter joy. It follows the hate mail submission guidelines TO THE LETTER. Enjoy! I proclaim this the best hate mail of all time unless one you can top it. Yes, that is a challenge.

I am officially announcing the first hate mail contest! Send in the very finest hate mail you can muster, with the subject line 'hate mail contest submission' and you could win your very own TOP SECRET prize, mailed to you directly from IHATECROCS headquarters and made with love by yours truly and also Kate, the other half of this site.

Hating crocs is just like hating anything else, un-American! Mater of
fact, it might even make you racist. You should love your shoes of any
color if you were a real American. I am sure you really don't mean
that and this hatred is masking something far deeper.
You are probably just suffering from hillbillyosis. In your heart of
hearts, you despise when anyone makes you or your children wear shoes
of any sort. You feel anger when you see those signs "no shirt, no
shoes, no service". You wish that your grimy white trash children
could roam the trailer court in there bare feet as young ones were
meant to. You know that the health department is a partner in the plot
to force you to ignore your inner desires to playfully cavort sans
shoes with some silly rumor of spreading disease. Wearing shoes also
forces you to clip their toenails on at least an annual basis. Without
shoes, they would wear down naturally.
You are probably also suffering from a side psychosis resulting from
negative peer pressure in your brief education. Dropping out in the
third grade was no doubt the result of the constant heckling by the
cool kids in your school. You thought it was caused by your calloused
bare feet on your eight little sisters, but it probably was the
combination of bringing the pig to school and later Jimmy revealing
that it was your uncle's new girlfriend. His in class demonstration of
man / pig loving was probably too much for that citified teacher.
So in summary, as I know your attention span has been shortened by
severe malnutrition, get some therapy. Use a real therapist this time,
not stupid Bobby, as he will agree to anything and declare you healed
by snakes. With enough therapy, you too can wear crocs like the cool
kids.

Will

1. We're Canadian.

2. You're right about everything else.

hatemail submission: accepted

Finally, some of you are following the hate mail submission guidelines. When the following came off the ticker tape machine, I was pretty pleased. There are vague threats! The subject line: 'You guys make me sick!' Check it out, guys.

Your distain for Crocs is one of the most appalling attempts at publicity I have ever seen!

I am a loving father of 4 all the way from New Zealand & my kids (+ my wife and I), think that crocs are the most comfortable and coolest shoes on the market. We used to all wear Teva sandals, but when the kids outgrew their last pairs it coincided with the release of Crocs in New Zealand. We all got bright red ones (except for my eldest boy - who opted for blue), and we have never received more positive comments from people in our lives!

How dare you offend my wife and children with you mindless insults! You say on your web site that crocs are 'ugly, foul-smelling and make everything feel hopeless and dank' - are you saying that my children are hopeless and dank? You guys are pathetic excuses for humans. I bet that your own miserable existences are the only reason you feel it necessary to bring other people down. Do you still lynch people where you come from from being 'different'? - because where I come from originality is embraced!

Get over yourselves, grow up and kill the website - because if my children feel even a hint of repercussions from your 'crusade' - it won't be just an email I'll be sending you!

Ian Straka

1. Appalling attempts at publicity? Do you guys have Paris Hilton in New Zealand?

2. The positive comments were probably tongue in cheek. You know, like, "HAHAHA. Oh man. Those shoes are NOT hideous. They did NOT make me vomit shortly before you arrived."

3. Yes, we are saying that your children are hopeless and dank. Someone had to say it.

4. You hit the nail on the head. We are pathetic excuses for human beings and our existences are miserable. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kate and I are going to play water polo in our Olympic-sized swimming pool. And make out under the bleachers.

5. Yes, you are very original. You and the millions of other people who own Crocs are very unique. The millions of you are real rebels. Unlike us conformists. With shoes that don't look ungodly stupid.

6. What will you be sending us? Is it a severed head? Is it a bomb? Is it candy? Flowers? The suspense is killing us.

Thanks for writing, Ian. That was fun. I like people who read the hatemail submission guidelines. They make emails more interesting.

WARNING, INCOMING GAME

Sometimes people will write us and say, 'Hey, Vincenzo and Kate. How come you guys have no lives?' And you know, we have to take issue with that. We have lives! Kate is an art student and I am a journalism student. We work hard at school and also at our respective jobs. We have friends and families, just like all of you. We don't just hang out in the IHATECROCS offices all day, reading from the ticker tape and drawing funny things on the Post-It notes.

No, sometimes we like to take a break from the offices and take walks on the grounds of our estate, talking about old TV shows we used to watch. Like the Powerpuff Girls or Hey Arnold.

A few days ago, in fact, we were doing just that. We had just strolled past our horse enclosure when I mentioned the old TV show, ReBoot. It was about the 'people' that live inside your computer. They fought viruses and whenever the 'user' put in a game to play, the people would have to be the AI of your games. They had these circular things on their chests that they would tap twice and say 'REBOOT'. I suggested that we make those things into buttons, for other Canadians who remembered the show fondly and wanted to have a ReBooter on their chest to tap twice and say 'REBOOT'.

This is all just a round-about way of explaining why there are two new buttons available for purchase in the IHATECROCS shop that have nothing to do with hating Crocs. We're sorry if it blows your mind.

Here is a helpful link to the shop, if you want to check it out.

giblets and boring hatemail

A friend of the site, Danielle, recently emailed us to tell us that the woman who invented "Jibbitz" was on Oprah. Also, a lot of you have been emailing us urging us to call attention to them. For those of you who do not know what "Jibbitz" are, they are little things that people place in the holes of their Crocs to make them even uglier. The uglier they are, the better, I guess. I've been calling them 'giblets', which is apparently wrong. I guess giblets are little bits of turkey or something. I don't know.

Anyway, Jibbitz on Oprah. I didn't see it, but HERE IS HOW I IMAGINE IT WENT DOWN.

WOMAN: HAHAHA I INVENTED GIBLETZ.

OPRAH: HAHAHA FEELINGS.

WOMAN: I'M RICH.

OPRAH: BOOK CLUB.

WOMAN: HAHAHAHAHA.

OPRAH: HAHAHAHAHA.

HATEMAIL SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

Be creative about it, guys. Make it interesting for us. Don't just tell us you're not interested in our opinion and then immediately tell us yours. It's what we expect! Make personal attacks! It doesn't matter if you don't know anything about us! Make up traits in your mind and then attack them. We are getting sick of reading the same thing over and over.

Here is today's extremely boring hatemail:

Elisha says:
Like I care about your opinion. The fact that you waste your time on this is sad!

And here is something from Kirsty_xo (might not be her real name):
Crocs= Satan in the form of a shoe

So anyway! I saw this lady in town wearing red Crocs, I nearly had got a hernia they were frickin' disgusting!! Crocs have finally hit Northern Ireland! I knew this day would come I just didn't think it would be so soon!

So later that month a Croc stall opened outside the foot court in our shopping centre (mall to the Americans) and there were 4 people working there ALL WEARING CROCS!!! So i ran over threw a blue Croc boot on the ground and ran away scared in case they molested my feet with their ugly demonic rubber feet coverers.

I am done.

hate mail - our favourite

Here at the offices, we’ve rigged up a ticker tape machine to the old email, so whenever we get an email, it prints out on ticker tape. This is the best way to read emails, I assure you. Nikola Tesla would approve.

Anyway, I was descending the spiral staircase when Kate came running up with a long length of ticker tape and pronounced, excitedly, "More hate mail!"

My eyes almost popped out of my head with anticipation as I asked, "Do they make crazy-stupid assumptions on what we look like, are like and live like?"

"Yes," came the reply, "This email has all of that IN SPADES."

So, Kate and I went to the reading room (it's the one with the fireplace) and read aloud from the ticker tape:

" you obviously don't have children. Crocs are great for kids, becasue they're breathable and protect their toes. Kids can put them on themselves, so they are time-saving. Their bright colors also make them fun for kids and make them easy to find.

I think you need to find a hobby or get a job. You need something contructive in which to aim all your energy and aggressions. Are crocs the issue? Or is it your upbringing?? You family life? Were you never loved as a child? Are you ugly? Overweight? There must be some other reason for all your anger and hostility towards a plastic shoe. It's ridiculous, actually. Is this what you've made of your life?? When your life is over, is this the great, awe-inspiring feat that you will say you have accomplished? Is this how you hope to change and make the world a better place?

It seems you have a lot of idle time and a energy. Why don't you find a cause that's worthy of all your time and energy. Volunteer, raise money, go on a missions trip to Guatemala and help with one of the many orphanages. I think you will find that helping the world with positive energy and love will fill the apparent void in your life.

Good luck. "

- Kelly Bauch

I wish to make the following rebuttals:

A) I have 7 children. They are named Anatoly, Zooey, Ophelia, Adi, Viola, Fitzwilliam and Nikola. And each of them despise Crocs.

B) Both Kate and I have jobs and also hobbies. Kate is a train conductor and I work at a chicken factory. Kate's hobbies include standing up for animal rights. My hobbies include hunting wild game.

C) How dare you bring up my upbringing?! I was beaten as a child by plastic shoes because I'm overweight and ugly. This is why I hate Crocs! HOW DARE YOU?

D) With our vast riches, we bought Guatemala yesterday and can safely assure you that there are no longer any orphanages there.

Thank you for your candour!

ihatecrocs orders

Just a reminder that if you live in the US or Canada and want to buy a shirt, now is the time. The free shipping for orders of over $15 deal is ending on the 31st of January and it is the 26th today. I go to Journalism school and I suck at math, so bear with me while I count on my fingers how many days that is. I think it's five.

So, if you make an order over $15 and don't want to pay shipping, just punch in coupon code FREESHIPPING07. HERE IS A HELPFUL LINK TO THE SHOP FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND SUBSEQUENT PERUSAL.

Look, everyone! Those hideous Crocs rain boots and Disney Crocs. I think we've entered into a new circle of Hell. Dante couldn't even conceive of it.

emails from fans

Here are some emails we've received and read. Kate and I print them out and read them to each other by the fireplace in our new offices, whilst sipping hot cocoa. We have a lot of office supplies in our new offices. To do work. We also have two cotton candy machines and a talking dog.

Bill says:
Sad to say... but I was a Crocs rep for about a year. They are the slimmest bunch of moneygrubbers ever to walk the earth. They never paid me, and now I’m in a class action law suit with them.


Beiha says:
I admire your website. I do a sport called Dragon Boat racing and unfortunately all the other teams we compete against have taken to wearing crocs. Luckily our coach told us that anyone in our team who started wearing them should be shot. Why would anyone wear them as a fashion item? I thought they were ugly gardening shoes.


Sheryl says:
I USED to be neutral about Crocs. After a horrible sight at the mall, never in my life I'll afford a Crocs in my house again. An afternoon, my friends and I were at a mall. While we were there, there was a rather pretty looking lady in her twenties. However, what she wore was unbelievable! To start off, brightly coloured orange crocs, simply blinding, with matching orange shirt and skirt! The fact that people are staring at her is a laughing matter. Add a red nose and she's qualify for being a clown! We laughed our heads off! She gave us a glare and stomped off. I mean, she should have checked in the mirror what she was wearing before she left the house. Geez, not only are Crocs spoiling the fashion in shoes but in clothes as well!


Katy says:
I have the BEST crocs horror story EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that what you say is wrong. crocs have even saved the lives of innocent little toddlers. I am NOT just saying this to bug you, but crocs are here to stay. In fact, the song "beautiful" sums them up best. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, 'CAUSE WORDS CAN'T BRING US DOWN. SO DON'T YOU BRING ME DOWN TODAY. someday, i am going to create a site called ihateihatecrocs.com
badbye